“I am not in control – and I never was.”
The realization of this thought, the one I held so tightly with a grip that squeezed the life out of me some days, was a slap in the face. “I am not in control. How do I let go? How do I trust? How do I do this and trust I will survive?”
The day that this thought rocked my world, I was a seasoned wife and mother, as seasoned as you can be in your forties. I sat in my quiet place, looking back on the orchestration of events, choices, and “only God” moments I was trusted to experience.
At the beginning, I was given a gift that so many never experience. I was given life! Adopted at birth by a man and a woman that were destined to be my parents, my only parents, they raised me with a love that proved God was there all along.
Spring.
Along the way friendships came and went, and proved to be blessings and curses.
Spring. Winter.
Trips of a lifetime would change my path forever.
Summer.
My little salvation story in the place they call the ‘doorway to God’ would be my pilgrimage, my journey into adulthood.
Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer
Love, true love, death and marriage, children and parenting —all a life traveling along a path with a God I met when I was 15 years old. He had been there all along. Through all my adventures. Through every season. Through all my challenges and even my rebellion, My Lord had been orchestrating my life with a Love and Precision I never REALLY knew was His until that day, in my quiet time. “Trust. I trusted, even in those moments I thought I could not go another day. I survived. Lord, Thank you.”
The steps were laid out for me to walk through, orchestrated by the hand of a Loving Savior, and yet in my ignorant youth I found my mind thought I knew best. Now I know better. Now I am finding a peace that I never knew possible. My heart trusts in the Lord with every step, no matter how difficult. I must trust.
The other day a mom sent me a note on Facebook asking what she should do. She homeschools her two boys and one is about to start high school. He had been begging her to send him to public school after all their years of home education. I could sense the pressure and the distress in her note when I received her cry for some nugget of help. “What should I do?”
Only from my own experiences could I answer.
First, trust the Spirit of God in you to know what is right for your child, for this circumstance, for this season. Trust that the Lord has laid a path for you both to follow and all you have to do is rest in the Lord, seek Him, and He will answer you in due season. Don’t give up until you know that you know.
Second, the seasons of raising a teen are not easy. It seems at every turn there is a battle in waiting because their flesh wants to dictate their choices. Sometimes, even for our children, there are times in the valley. These are the times they are lonely, confused, and don’t understand why they are where they are. These are the times we, as their parents, step in with what wisdom we have lived out, and share our hearts with them. As my pastor always says, “Yes the grass may be greener on the other side, but you still have to water it.” This is the time to minister to your child[ren] and teach them how to ‘go through’ the different seasons of life. Not all seasons are easy. Not all seasons are filled with life or warmth and growth. Not all seasons reap a harvest. Just as we trust God to answer our prayers while we wait on His timing for a mate, children, a job, etc. this is a time to wait with patient endurance, teaching our child[ren] to be patient in this season of their life. God has a plan. God is in control.
Life is a slow roast. The more I cook my roast in my crock pot the more tender and juicy and tasty it becomes. The wait, as I smell the goodness and see the goodness to come, can be unbearable. But, when the time comes, I reap the delicious flavor and nourishment I so greatly desired. It was all worth it in the end.
