I sat in the hospital’s chapel. Hands clasped. Head bowed. A wave of emotions washed over me as I pleaded for my son’s life. I begged God, Jesus, my great grandma, anyone who would listen, to heal Logan’s sick and fragile body. Anger plagued my heart. “What are you doing? What do you want from me? Since Logan was born he’s fought for life. Enough is enough.”
I looked to the heavens and demanded answers.
Noise from beyond the chapel door ceased. My ears rang, face flushed and, through the obscure threads of silence, scripture knitted within me.
For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
I sucked in a breath. I’m confident my great grandma scolded me as well, “Go fight for your son. Stop this woeful nonsense.” Whether it was a spiritual experience or my sleep-deprived brain desperate for any kind of resolution, I listened. My chest fluttered and lifted. I had fought the wrong war with the wrong arsenal.
I refused to let go. I refused to accept any thing but revival and restoration. Logan needed me to fight. He needed me to have faith and hope. He needed me to not doubt what was satisfied. Little did I know, this was the start of the battle; but, with each trial, the scripture remained.
There have been times I’ve doubted my beliefs, questioned my faith. I feel that’s a natural feeling when going through difficult situations. We all reach points of doubt and defeat. We’re human and when we become lost, in most incidences we become stronger and return with a renewed sense of conviction.
We aren’t meant to know the plans God has for us. We aren’t meant to understand life’s tests or unforeseen troubles. Doesn’t make it any less frustrating or minimize the pain, anger, or confusion churning inside your stomach. But what of the good, the plans filled with happiness and joy? Those are what bring light into the dark. Life is an enigma, and trying to figure it all out will drive you mad.
Words are powerful.
Solace can be found in scripture, quotes, or even song lyrics. And when you are seeking answers, they will come to you, just make sure you are listening with not just your ears but with your heart.
Tell me, do you have a favorite quote, one that had an impact on your life?