For most of us, fall means back to school, back to sports, back to dance classes . . . and girl scouts and boy scouts and AWANA . . . and Robotics and theater and co-op . . .and everything else that fills our insane, frenetic schedules. And if you are like me, in the course of your crazy life, there is the smallest chance that you’ve talked to other moms. You know. Those moms. Those perfect moms. Those moms who have it all together. Those moms whose kids came out of the womb trilingual and at the tender age of 7 have scholarships waiting for them at the university of their choice. The ones for whom everything seems to always be going right and nothing seems to ever go wrong. E-V-E-R. In the meantime, your 4 year old still isn’t potty trained and your high-schooler has a tenuous grasp of the English language (let alone any other language) and you feel like an utter failure.
But oh, dear mamma, you are not. You are not a failure. You are a child of God. And He has three reminders for you so you don’t fall for the lie of perfection.
First, you must know in your heart that God gave your children YOU as their mamma and He gave you them as your children. You aren’t parenting that other mom’s children, and she wasn’t given yours. God is sovereign. Really. He knows what He is doing! He knows the plans He has for you…but He also knows the plans He has for your children, and He gave them to YOU to lay the framework to accomplish those plans, not that other “perfect” mom. You are your children’s perfect mom. You. Seek Him first. Ask God for guidance, and spend time in His word. Being firmly rooted in His word will help you make the right decisions for your children about everything from potty training to extracurricular activities to academics and everything in between.
(insert Mimi self portrait)
Second, and I know I’ve said it before because it’s something I personally cling to, remember that the here and now is not the forever and always. (All credit for that goes to Carol Barnier, by the way.) The reality is we ALL fail. Some of us fail big. Some fail in little bits with great regularity. But all of us fail. And all of our kids have those moments. Or years. But the here and now is NOT the forever and always. The sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Okay, sometimes those nights last eons, but joy will come again because joy is a choice. Choose joy. Your child is a gift. Celebrate them. Someday, it will be your child doing something amazing, and someone else looking in from the sidelines thinking how fabulous YOUR life is.
And on that note, third, remember that when you are looking at that perfect mom and thinking how much you are failing compared to her, you are comparing her outsides to your insides. You are comparing only the little snapshot of what you see of her life at that moment with every ugly thought you have, every harsh word you’ve said, every appointment you’ve forgotten, every dinner you’ve burned. It’s not an honest assessment at all. Some of her reality is perfect, like the mirrored tiles above that reflect the true surroundings. But some of her reality is a little more like those wonky reflections, not “perfect” at all. For all you know, that mom’s older child is in jail, her husband has lost his job, they are in debt up to their eyeballs, and that child that speaks 3 languages also is on 6 different medications to control his mood swings. But that’s not the kind of thing you bring up in “polite conversation”, so what you see in your snapshot moment at soccer practice is her doing her best to keep him active and busy and out of the house in order to keep the peace for the rest of the family at home. If you could see her insides, you would suddenly find that you have much more in common than you think!
God wants you to know that He loves you mamma, just the way you are. He is the Potter. You are the clay. And usually, He works through cracked pots. Perfect vessels attract attention because of their perfection, but people praise the beauty of the vessel, and it gets all the credit. Cracked pots need help, someone holding them together to be useful. God will hold you and your children in the palm of His mighty hand if you just let Him. He will guide you and His purpose will be established and He will accomplish His good pleasure both for you and for your children, and it might not be today, or tomorrow, or even this year, but it will happen in His perfect timing. And while you are waiting on the Lord, just remember that so is everyone else. Their lives may look better from the outside, but inside we all struggle. There is no such thing as perfect this side of heaven, no matter what the conversation at the park makes it seem like. So don’t fall for the lie of perfection.