Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course, oh
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours.“This Kiss” – Faith Hill
My kids have led a rather intentionally sheltered life where pop music is concerned. We pretty much listen to Christian music only, with the occasional show tune throw in on really “wild” days. That’s not to say that they all dress in matching attire and I put on a denim jumper every morning before we begin our daily homeschool routine with a solid hour of Bible study, followed by 20 minutes of exercise, followed by going to serve daily in a soup kitchen – all before eating our own breakfast. No! Not that maybe that wouldn’t be great for some people, but we aren’t those homeschoolers, as I think most people who know me in real life can attest to. It’s just that I firmly believe that real, Scriptural love is a choice you make day after day; and I don’t think that’s the message that the world, and most popular music, conveys.
As a child of the 70’s and 80’s, I grew up listening to country and pop on the radio. I’m a music sort of gal. I love to sing. Music stirs my soul. And there is a great deal of research that shows that putting things to music is one of the best ways to learn them, to implant them in your memory for the long haul. Just look at how we teach our “A, B, C’s.” The problem was what I was learning about as I listened and memorized and sang along with all my heart – relationships and love, among other things. I learned about “wanting a man with a slow hand” and a “lover with an easy touch,” which left me wondering at too-young-an-age what a lover even was. You can bet if the internet had been around then I would have gotten QUITE an education.
But I continued listening to “all that” music until well into my adulthood. Believing the lies they sold about what “love” looked like – which was frequently anything but Biblical. The problem is that the type of love in those songs – it only exists in the songwriter’s mind. Either that, or it’s eros love. Real, but speaking only to the physical attraction, and meeting a perceived need at the moment. Neither one is a strong foundation for a lifelong marriage; and, even more than that, the “love should be all about me” mentality undermines ALL your relationships. It’s a recipe for disaster. And I want to be clear that it’s not limited to music – it’s everywhere. From television shows to movies to the advertising that surrounds us, the message that love is a feeling, and that it’s all about YOU is everywhere, especially this month.
When the Pharisees questioned Jesus in Matthew 22, they asked Him, “What is the greatest commandment?” He tells them to love God with all their heart, mind, and soul, but then He adds a second command. He says, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” That kind of love, agape love, is a choice, an action. A matter of will. It’s something we need help with, because it doesn’t come naturally, which is why it is also a fruit of the Spirit. The love we are meant to have for others, for our spouse, our children, our families, our neighbors, it is a love that seeks opportunity to do good, not one that looks for what good can come of it. It’s the exact opposite of what the common culture tells us love should be. It’s the difference between, “divorce is an option” and “until death do us part.”
Real love that lasts is not an emotional “Wrecking Ball” or someone calling you “Baby,” but a daily choice in good times and bad times to stick with it. In 1 Thessalonians 2, Paul talks of caring so deeply for this church that he is willing to pour out his soul for them – to spend his life on them. THAT’s agape love. That’s the love we should have for others. That’s making a choice every day, every hour, sometimes every minute, to put someone else first. To give up your notions of a white knight with a good heart, a soft touch, and a fast horse who will ride you off into the sunset, and be content with your man who may be a sometimes white knight with a mostly good heart, an attempted soft touch, and a decently fast car. Love hasn’t gotten off course at all. He’ll drive you off into many a sunset…on the way to this child’s ball game or that child’s theater performance…but that is what love does. Love is an action.
P.S. There’s always the danger in writing something like this that I have offended you, the reader, who loves to listen to 80’s music with their children, all of whom have a healthy understanding of real relationships thankyouverymuch. Please know that is not my intent. God convicts EACH of us differently, because He knows what each of our specific families need. My choice NOT to do something should never be construed as judgment against someone who chooses TO do something. Goodness, no. I make fifty-gazillion mistakes a day, and it’s only by the grace of God that I can at all hold my head up and say that I am His child, forgiven, Beloved, redeemed. Unless you live truly off the grid, your children will encounter all that modern culture has to offer, so the most important take away is this: keep an open dialogue with your kids. Sing along at the tops of your lungs if you want to, but after the song is over, stop and say, “You know that’s ridiculous, right? Love doesn’t really work that way. It’s fun to sing about, but not at all practical in reality.” I talk with my kids ALL THE TIME about lyrics to songs or scenes in movies or TV shows. It’s the best way to equip them to make smart choice when they are out there on their own someday. You won’t regret the time you take to invest now in training them up because again, love is an action, and in this case, it pays forward for many generations to come.