As a homeschool mom I have been privileged to witness each stage of my children’s lives. I have seen the light bulb come on when they learn a new concept and see the growth as they work through a situation. I am in awe of the absolute responsibility that we have. I love it and I hate it. It is a huge responsibility to grow adults into functioning, contributing society members.
The weight of our choices is heavy until I hear feedback about one of our kids. Then we reap the benefits of our choices.
This new season of our parenting involves drivers, jobs, and independence. It is surreal.
I have long said that I love my teenagers. They are so much fun and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the friendship I will have someday starting to blossom, and I am waiting expectantly. What a blessing it will be.
But, for now, we are still in the phase of parenting that requires more hands-on type stuff. Like forcing the issue of putting in applications for a job. It is a scary prospect for a teen to walk into an establishment and ask for a job application. They are full of questions like, ‘Will they like me?’ or ‘Do I look like I would fit in at this business?’ Or maybe it is the question of, ‘Am I smart enough to do this job?’ As a parent, that is a tough question to hear.
We want our kids to be confident and to feel assured of their abilities but reality is something else. We all feel inadequate at times, especially when looking to start something new. How can we think it would be any different for our kids? If anything, it is worse for them because they haven’t had the life experiences that have taught them to be confident yet. (Or at least to fake it!) To sit and watch your children struggle to become adults is an awkward and painful process …for the parents!
Some parents struggle with letting go and letting their children have more control over their decisions. We get so accustomed to doing everything for them that when they are old enough to do it themselves we don’t even give them a chance. We just keep doing it for them. But that isn’t helping them. At all. They need to make choices and mistakes while they are at home and can have help with consequences. What better way to learn about money than at home where they have a safety net in place?
When our kids turn 16, we give them the money we would have spent for their expenses each month and they learn to manage it. It is a difficult process at first. They get this lump sum at the beginning of the month and go a little crazy. They buy clothes or other non-essential items and then run out of shampoo and have no money with which to buy it. They come running to us and expect us to do something for them. We do but it is called a loan. Sound harsh? Well, that is the real world. If, when they are adults, they run out of money they will have to borrow or do without so why not learn it now? The next month they will remember the lesson and learn to manage their money a little better. But it takes time and guidance.
That is our job.
To raise contributing members of society.
Add on top of learning to manage money getting a job and you have a recipe for young adulthood.
When our oldest was going for job interviews I was a nervous wreck. I worried that I hadn’t done my job as a parent well enough and they would find her lacking. I worried that she would lack the confidence needed to meet the challenge and impress the interviewers. It.was.awful.
Her first interview about killed me. I sat in the car waiting and watching, wringing my hands. When she went for her 2nd interview, I thought I was going to have a heart attack! We know that she is a hard worker, team player, and a joy to be around; but would others see that in an interview? Would they give her a chance to prove herself? Would she measure up?
Questions rolled through my head faster than I could refute them. I called my husband and whined to him about the process and he told me to just relax and let her do this. She needed to experience the joy of getting the job or the pain of rejection. It is part of life and she deserves to experience it. I so did not want to hear that! But I listened and relaxed. I still worried but knew that this was part of life and, to truly live, she had to experience it all.
Thankfully, she got the job AND we were validated as parents! I mean, come on, who doesn’t want their parenting applauded, right? When she came out and told me she got the job I cried. I really did. I am a little embarrassed by it now, but I was so happy for her and for me that I cried.
She started telling me about the interview and I couldn’t believe it. She was complemented on her eye contact! We have stressed over the years that our children look people in the eye when they are talking to them. (This looks a little different for our 4yo because eye contact is not something she can do very well.) We make our children order their own food and look the server in the eye. It is a respect thing. Again, our 4yo is only required to make a passing glance at their eyes, not hold eye contact the whole time.
Anyway, our daughter was told that her eye contact was outstanding! Woohoo for us! It was so nice to hear that something we had been teaching paid off. AND they told her about it so she knew that what we had insisted on was the right choice. We were validated right alongside of her.
She started her job and is doing a great job. The work ethic we have instilled in her is paying off. She will no doubt be a contributing member of society and survive on her own. (That is a secret fear of mine that my kids will get into the real world and not survive!) She is also getting more lessons on money management, time management, and working with all types of people.
I don’t know that all of my girls will have jobs when they are 16 (they are all different and process differently), but I hope we can teach them the same lessons on life before they leave our home.