I saw a post in my Facebook feed recently that had a picture and a description from somewhere a long way from my home. In the description, I found a clue that revealed I knew one of the men in the picture. Though I’ve not met him in a face-to-face way (yet), I do know him. I found it strange that I could know someone from a random newsfeed post that had been shared around the internet. I know they say, “It’s a small world,” but it isn’t really that small. It got me thinking (which can be scary sometimes); but maybe this time, it might lead to something a little useful – an identity, a place, a suit of clothes that fit.

Identity is something we all try to find, and most of us find it rather quickly. Some of us don’t; or, maybe we do, but it feels like a suit of clothes that don’t quite fit. Fitting in, finding your place, is difficult as you explore who you are, what you like, what you don’t like, what you believe, what you can do, and what you can’t. Once you have figured that out, you usually slide into your place like slipping on a good fitting, comfortable suit of clothes be it a dress, jeans and tee, suit and tie, overalls that feel good, look great on you, and help you do your job well and enjoy life as the true adventure it should be. When you aren’t able to easily find all of those things that are a part of your identity, those clothes you try to do your daily activities in feel like they just don’t fit right on all the parts that they should. Life can be done and even enjoyed, but it isn’t as easy or as comfortable.

Being hard of hearing (then deaf), growing up in a hearing world, I found myself to be one of those in an ill-fitting suit of clothes. I tried various kinds of clothes and sizes. Some were way too big or too small, but I found some that came close. None were perfect. I found ways to figure out what was going on when I couldn’t hear and understand the others at home, work, and play. When I couldn’t figure out what was going on, I learned to often monopolize the conversation, so I would not have to be the one listening. It worked. Sort of. Probably made me look narcissistic though, and annoying at the very least. I got by, but nothing was quite comfortable. Then I lost my sight, too. My options became very limited. Now, there are only a couple of suits that come close to fitting, and they aren’t for socializing. Sigh…

Just where am I going with this? Well, I said I was thinking and that can be scary, right? Bear with me, and maybe we both can get something out of this. As I followed these random twists of thoughts, I remembered my high school sociology classes where we learned about culture. I remember little from those many years ago, but I do remember the definition:

Culture

: the beliefs, customs, arts, etc., of a particular society, group, place, or time

: a particular society that has its own beliefs, ways of life, art, etc.

: a way of thinking, behaving, or working that exists in a place or organization (such as a business) (Mrriam-Webster.com)

Much of our identity comes from our community in our culture. The community and culture, at large, works because even as an individual you can find your little niche within. That is if you have total access to it and find enough people like you to slide into the niche to be comfortable. Hard of Hearing and Deaf can find that niche with each other, especially if they learn the common language of access, ASL. Like most cultures, the Deaf world with the capital “D” has beliefs and practices. You almost always need to be a native signer and, though they are a loving, close-knit group that hug a lot and touch otherwise for communication, is avoided. It is all about the visual world. The blind with their hearing mesh extremely well not only with each other, but with the hearing sighted with little modification needed to insure total access. With that total access comes comfort in familiar areas and ease with added help in less familiar areas.

A few times in recent years the question has come up whether there is a DeafBlind culture like there is with Deaf culture. I would say for much of time there hasn’t been because there was no way for a culture to develop by the very nature of being DeafBlind. A DeafBlind person has trouble relating to individuals around them and even less connection with the world at large. Now, in recent years, I have said it was slowly changing with the access of technology.

Technology and the internet are now connecting the relatively small number of DeafBlind individuals in the world. We can now use speech readers and Braille displays to access the world in general and to each other through the internet. It is through the internet that I met David who is in that picture. We have ways to chat, text, email, and even connect with each other and the hearing/sighted world on Facebook and Twitter like most people. We also have Tactile ASL and Face to Face technology in the form of phones and computers with applications, speech readers, and Braille displays to connect in real life to each other and others. As we do this, we are learning our way around our personal corners of the world as well as the virtual world. We are also getting to know each other, too, developing close friendships and new beliefs, ideas, customs, behaviors, art forms, literature.

We have our community now, though it may be a little different than most communities because many of us may never meet face to face, but we do know each and well because we can communicate and touch in so many ways. We also have the beginnings of our own culture as we grow closer together in so many ways forming our niche, and trying on the “clothes” in which we can be comfortable. Even with our individual quirkiness, we have found a group, a society of our own. Like the Deaf and the key connection through ASL and a perspective through the visual world, we DeafBlind have our key connection which is communication through Tactile ASL and/or technology and our perspective of the world through touch.

Now, the clothes I wear can fit in all the right places. I can become comfortable and make a life in this niche. As we grow together even more, we will become even more comfortable and develop our lifestyle. Through my writing up to now, I have shared some of that community and lifestyle’s beginnings as I have found it naturally. In the days to come, let me start introducing you to more and showing you more of what and how we, DeafBlind, are building as our lifestyle, the Pro-tactile way. Pro-tactile is a way of accessing the world communicating and living through touch allowing us to form our identities as DeafBlind. Pro-tactile is the “clothes” that are helping us to feel comfortable, look great, do a job well, and enjoy life as a true adventure.

Video that shows more of that picture and a small aspect of Pro-tactile:

https://www.facebook.com/125658507898/videos/vb.125658507898/10153330792652899/?type=3&theater

We just lost our fifth contract on our house. Fifth. Typically, the buyers have been people who thought they could afford it, but in the end really couldn’t, but this one was different…this one we really thought would be “it.” When we moved to North Carolina a year and a half ago, it was obvious to us that God brought us here. Every step of the way we asked for His clear guidance, and every step of the way, He clearly provided for us to be here. We knew we had an older home in Florida that we were leaving behind and trying to sell and that it’s quirky layout would make things a bit more challenging, but we also knew God was for us, and He was directing our steps, and that that direction was out of Florida and to North Carolina, so He would overcome that quirky, old house obstacle for us, right? So what went wrong?

The short answer is nothing went wrong, it’s just that none of those times have been what’s right.

But if you are doing everything you can do, and following what you are certain is God’s will, and still there are things happening that you don’t understand or can’t explain, what then?

Well, I don’t claim to have the wisdom of Solomon, but I can share with you some of the things God has been sharing with me.

First, it goes without saying, you need to be near to God to know His will. James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts you double-minded.” We draw near to God by reading His word. His word is living and active and will change us, but it’s also how we learn about the character of God – how He works in and through our lives. It’s easier to see that the things that are happening that we don’t understand are all part of His plan and will all be worked for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). Maybe the “right” house for us here in NC isn’t on the market yet. Maybe God has work for us to do with our neighbors in our rental community. I don’t know what it is that is keeping our FL house from selling, but I know there will be some good worked out of it. And before I move on, I think it’s also important not to neglect the second part of this verse. We need to confess our sins regularly before God and keep our hearts pure; Jesus needs to be our Lord, not any of the other gazillion things every day that compete for His place in importance.

Did you know there are 13 times in the Old Testament when God’s people are commanded to “be strong and courageous” in the face of hard things. Lest you think that was “just for them,” 1 Corinthians 16:13 says, “Stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong.” God really brought me to these verses in a literal way. My small Bible study group is going thorough Joshua (where 4 of the OT “Be strong and courageous” references come from) and a dear friend just gave me a small thank you gift that had 1 Corinthians 16:13 on it. I guess God is trying to tell me something! Be strong and courageous when things don’t seem easy. God’s got your back. Or actually, God will fight the battle for you. He will bring it to pass, but it will be in His timing, which is not usually in line with our own. I’m not going to lie to you and say I didn’t have a weak moment with one of my small group members where the weight of several things, the house being one of them, got to me and I was disappointed (okay, I was just shy of a hot mess), but even then I knew God’s got this…I just was really disappointed that the contract was falling though, yet again, within days of closing. But after my private chat with her, I was over it, and that ability to bounce back was not because of anything of my own doing, but because of God working in me. A member of my Precept study the next night remarked that I was an inspiration to her because, in spite of all the difficult things going on in my life, I always have a smile one my face and am positive. She clearly missed my “hot mess” moment, but the truth is that God commands us to be strong and courageous. It’s not a suggestion. So that’s what I want to do. That’s what I strive for, even when I don’t understand why things are going the way they are.

Next, have someone who can hold you accountable. It’s very easy when things are going badly to develop a bad attitude or get depressed and let all that pull you away from God. And if step one is to draw near to Him, we definitely don’t’ want to drift away. Isolation makes drifting easier. You need to have someone or a group of people who can hold you accountable and keep you focused on God even when His plan isn’t clear, or isn’t going the way you thought it would. Proverbs 27:17 tells us that “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” And Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another’s burdens and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” Not only do we sharpen each other’s faith when we hold each other accountable, but we fulfill the law of Christ when we bear each other’s burdens. Jesus TOLD us to help each other. You can’t do that if you are all alone. And you can’t get help if you are all alone. And when God’s plans seem unclear or different than you thought they would be, you may need others to help you. They will remind you of His faithfulness in times past. They will point you to His word when you need encouragement. And (very important for me) they will allow you a safe place to “vent” and not negate your witness to the world ).

Finally, remember one of my favorite verses, Isaiah 26:3, “The steadfast of mind, You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You.” Trust in God. He sees the big picture. Even though it seems all convoluted to us, He sees it clearly. Think of the story of Joseph. Joseph got thrown in a hole, sold into slavery, and carted off to Egypt, all because his brothers were jealous of Him. That doesn’t seem like the plan God was revealing to him through the visions he had had. Or the future he thought he was going to have based on his father’s favoritism, does it? But then God prospered him in Egypt, and he became very prominent. And then BAM! Back in jail for being righteous. Wait, what??? He did the right thing and ended up in jail? But, yes, it’s true. And he sat there for a long, long time. And He was faithful to God. And with the help of God he interpreted visions, but even that didn’t get him out at first. And then one day, the pharaoh had a dream, and Joseph was summoned. And he rose to the position of second most powerful person in the land. And he saved his family from starvation (the very ones who sold him into slavery). But WHO could have seen all that? Who could have imagined THAT was how God’s plan was going to go? Yet, through that story, we see all the things above. Joseph studied God’s word as a boy, and stayed near to God as a man. He was strong and courageous, even in the face of false accusations and unjust imprisonment. He lacked being surrounded with fellow believers, but we see his BROTHERS reach out for help. They know their circumstances are beyond them, and they seek the help of others, and in this case that other turns out to be their brother, and their family is restored. And we see that Joseph and Jacob trusted God and God provided, but in His own way and His own time.

So as I sit here, wishing my house would sell and, I’ll admit, growing weary of paying for two houses and two water bills and two power bills and for the grass to be mowed at a house I don’t live in, I keep my eyes fixed in God, and I know that He has a purpose for the delay. I know he has given us perfect provision for this time to be able to afford to do this. I know that someday I will look back and see that it has all worked out for the good. That if it had sold right away something else would never have been able to happen that will happen now because of the delay. So I draw near to Him and His word, I stand strong and courageous in the face of disappointment, I meet with my dear sisters in Christ every week to hold myself accountable…but most of all I trust. I trust God, and I know that He will keep me in perfect peace because of that. I know that He has this. I know He brought us here, and I know He won’t leave me or forsake me and He doesn’t want me in debt, and He will provide, and so I trust.

I sat in the exam room, waiting patiently for the doctor to return with the results of my EKG. I reflected on the long night that I’d just endured. It’s amazing how something so natural like, oh say, breathing for example, can suddenly without warning become such a struggle.   The air seemed to have turned thick and heavy and only entered the very tops of my lungs as I’d gasped for each breath.

My thoughts were interrupted by the doctor’s return. She seemed a bit surprised to find that my heart was indeed fine. As they set up a breathing treatment to open my airways and provide relief, she asked “Have you had any major life changes or family issues lately?” Um…nothing outside normal life.   She asked for the “Reader’s Digest Condensed Version” of where I am in life, her eyes were ever widening as I spoke.

I sat and puffed on my little peace pipe looking inhaler as she went on to tell me about the dangers of stress.   She seems to think that I may need a break.   The irony being that this all started as I was sitting down, taking a break and relaxing.   She somehow missed the whole part about the itchy eyes, throat, and ears that to me seemed to have pointed to an allergic reaction of some type, but then again, I didn’t graduate from medical school, ahem.

I returned home with a couple of prescriptions and a “slow down” pep talk.   I truly do understand where she’s coming from.   However, I also know that I’m not going to be one of those people who just sits down on the sidelines and watches the game of life pass by.

Life is full of “what if” moments. Some people let those what if’s stop them in their tracks. However, I look at life a bit differently I guess.   What if I live my life to the fullest, impacting my family and friends and the world as much as I can?

Regret and what if run hand in hand. Do the “what if’s” of life stop you, or propel you forward?   It’s your choice. But regardless of which choice you make, remember to breathe! Breathe in the sights, sounds, smells, and relationships around you.

When all else fails, just breathe!

This has been the YEAR OF WAY TOO BUSY! I started this school year with three part time jobs and two extra children (not to mention Orchestra, Band & Choir, Speech Club, Co-op, Bible Study and AWANA).   I woke up tired and went to bed even more tired. We were getting hardly ANY school work done; and I knew I could not keep up this pace for too long, but wasn’t sure what would have to give. It is so easy to say yes to everything before we have counted the cost. If you find yourself on this same end of crazy, I hope you are looking for ways to get out of some of your commitments or to slow down, but here are some tips to get through it.

— Organization is KEY: Developing a plan is essential to keeping your head on your shoulders during a busy season.   This will look different for different families, but calendars, meal planning, budgets, cleaning schedules and lesson plans can be included in this category. The more time I spent in this category, the better things went for me. ESPECIALLY with meal planning. If dinner is taken care of, ALL IS WELL!   Have you heard about the Bullet Journal method? This is a system that I am just beginning to implement. I am a pen and paper girl trapped in a digital world. I LOVE this system. I’ll let you know how it goes.

–Focus is VITAL: Keeping the important things in their proper place is so very important. We get trapped in putting out the fires of the urgent while the important slips by. Why answer the phone in the middle of a conversation with your teenager? That phone ringing is grabbing our attention away from a conversation that could turn into something that could never be recreated. I have a precious friend who has created a beautiful little book to help us keep these first things FIRST…I will talk more about it next month, but it is a sweet little book that I highly recommend. You can find This Beautiful Life here. This wonderful tool helps me keep focused on those things I want to intentionally keep front and center.

–Simplifying Life is ESSENTIAL: This is not the time to make things more difficult than they are. When I was at the busiest in this season, I was making things as easy as possible. Easy meals, easy cleaning schedule, easy lesson plans (If you could really call them that…school consisted of all the extra things. Co-op, Band, Choir, Speech, Home Ec). This was not the time to introduce Latin, sew everyone’s clothing and cook gourmet, multi-course meals. The crock pot was my best friend, with freezer meals a close second. This was one of my favorite meals in this season.

–Teamwork is IMPERATIVE: I cannot stress enough what a blessing my family has been to me in this season of busyness. They have, of course, ALWAYS been a blessing, but when the pressure is applied, you find out the stuff you are all made of. My family really came together and were exceedingly helpful doing chores, meal prep, holding babies, and just really taking care of all the things that needed getting done. One of our favorite methods for getting things accomplished is the Job Jar. Many hands make light work!

–Clearing the Calendar is CRUCIAL: I know I cannot keep up this pace forever, and have already taken steps to slow things down a bit. I have quit one job, and the hours on another job have cut back significantly. We are evaluating our out-of-the-house activities to see if there are any that do not make the cut for next year. Some of these decisions may be very difficult to make, but insanity is ugly and I am closer to it than I want to admit. I see the light at the end of the tunnel though as some things are coming to an end. School books have been dusted off and are being cracked open and the lesson plans are singing with completed work being checked off. Now that we have a driver in the house, I am able to have that child run errands and be the taxi a little more, so that I can be home attending to things only I can do. I know that you cannot get rid of everything and you may need to continue in a season of busyness longer than I have done so far, this too, will look different for each family. Prayerfully consider the things that remain on the calendar and see if they align with the goals you have for your family. So many things look good, are beneficial, but do not accomplish what you desire.

–Taking Care of You is REQUIRED: Seasons of busyness are sometimes unavoidable. If you find yourself in one, try to make sure you are taking care of yourself. Get plenty of sleep, eat as healthy as possible, try to exercise at least a little, do something to pour into yourself. Living off energy drinks and four hours of sleep a night will not be a sustainable lifestyle for very long. You need true energy and stamina to get through this season.

Hopefully, all these tips will help you get through your season of busyness too!

One of my dear friends is just so very lovely that I want to be her when I grow up! She makes her home so warm and inviting, is an amazing hostess, she’s creative, plays the harp, and is just plain fun! My dear friend has written a book that is just so amazing that I wanted to tell you about it! It is so lovely to look at and is so useful in helping me keep my priorities in place. Let me just walk you through it.

The book is called This Beautiful Life: A Priorities Journal for the Christian Woman. It is divided into five main sections: Vision, Nurture, Focus, Growth, and Celebrate. Chloe takes you from the big picture of what you want your life to look like, has you break that into things you want to intentionally work on, and then has you document the growth steps taken each month. I knew this was a FANTASTIC tool for me as I wanted certain things to be areas that I purposed to continually work on throughout the year. It is so easy to set goals and then never revisit them. This tool has me frequently revisiting the things that are important to me. I will give some brief glimpses into this marvelous book and hope that it is something that you might find useful as well.

So we begin with a prayer of dedication. You might be able to sit down and know exactly what you want to say or you may prayerfully consider it for a few days or even weeks. I got one of these books in February and just got around to writing mine down in early April. While this is a vital step, I felt like I hit the ground running with a bit of a late start so I dug right in to the places that were easier for me and really tried to prayerfully consider what I wanted to say here.

In the Vision section, there are many sweet tidbits, but the meat and potatoes of it for me is The Big Five page. This is where you list the five priorities that are those areas you want to focus on. Why five you ask? Chloe has an amazing post on this here. I had already chosen my five areas, but this clarity helped me solidify that these were the right five for me for this year. Who knows…this list could change or it could remain very much the same from year to year. Your list will be as unique as you are, but to give you an idea of what this could look like, my five are Faith, Family, Friends, Field (work, profession, employment related) and Fun (the creative things I often do not make time for or those things that bring joy). Once I had begun, I liked the fact that all of my five began with the same letter. There are two more topics that are on the outskirts here…Fitness and Finances. I am leaving them there, because these are the things that are MOST important to me at this time.

I am going to skip over the Nurture section (not because it is lacking, but I want you to discover some of the treasures of this book yourself) and move to the Focus section. This is the area to take each one of your five priorities and note your desire, what it looks like at its best, what it looks like right now and some steps you can take to make the reality become the desired outcome. This section is a work in progress for me as I am taking the time to think, pray, and dream about what this would look like for me.

what it looks like at its best, what it looks like right now and some steps you can take to make the reality become the desired outcome. This section is a work in progress for me as I am taking the time to think, pray, and dream about what this would look like for me.

Growth is next and this is where you can write down the success you have had in each area each month. This is the part where talk becomes the walk. Some of the things I have written here are the smallest of baby steps, sometimes nothing has been gained, but I am being very focused day by day as I think on these things and stepping closer to what I want these things to look like.

There are so many more parts to this wonderful little book, but I do want there to be some sweet surprises for you if you choose to get one of these for yourself (by the way, I am not getting any compensation for these comments…I love this book and want to share it because I find it helpful personally). One thing that makes this book so lovely is that Chloe has done all the sweet artwork and made it so beautiful that you really want to keep working in it. I did not want to write in it in the beginning, but got over that fairly quickly. I often throw this in my purse or in my bag as I am out and just jot down a couple of things as they come to mind. I do have more to get done in this, but I am ok with that too. I just want to add one quick thing – this HAS to be a walk of grace for me, not a legalistic box of do’s and don’t’s. There are enough places for me to see where I fall short. This has to be a safe place where I am stretching for growth, but can back up if it is too much at this time.

I have really loved this little journal. A beautiful place where I can keep my First Things, FIRST! What would your BIG FIVE be?

Hey Mom,

I’m still recovering from my oldest son’s wedding (which took place at our house) and from a great weekend at the huge homeschool convention in Richmond, VA. In fact, instead of writing a thought provoking article I thought I’d just let you read an email I got from a homeschooling mom (details have been changed). I hope you’re encouraged by knowing you’re not alone!

Only the truth!

Todd

Hi Todd,

After 10 yrs. of not attending a homeschool conference, I decided to attend this year’s convention because a dear friend was about to begin the homeschooling journey and invited me to come along.

We have four children from college age to grade school.

After a few homeschool conventions early on, ten years ago, I never went back to a homeschool conference (or if I did, I didn’t attend the speakers).  I would inevitably leave feeling worse than when I arrived!  How could I possibly do everything these moms with long denim jumpers did?!  I just felt like a failure.  I decided to only attend the curriculum fair in future years (which only were a couple more) and skip any talks.  I was super disillusioned, especially after years of using some very conservative books and curriculum.

Fast forward 10+ years since my last homeschool convention, and I intended not to hear any speakers this year either.  I paid for the entire convention in case my friend wanted moral support in a new speaker.  She decided to go to Charlotte Mason, and I stumbled into your room next door about “Not giving up.”  Thanks for being so Real!  I can finally breathe!  Someone who actually voiced all that was going through my head.  You see, I had been doing a lot of reading this past year on the homeschooler anonymous site.  Especially since the BIG homeschool leader scandal.  It is heartbreaking!

But I feel hopeful now. I felt isolated before, even in our marriage, and after attending your final talk (my first of yours) I bought the CDs of a couple more to listen to on the drive home.

Thank you for your eye opening, REAL, Seminars!  The encouragement made me realize I am not alone.

Thanks again for traveling the country to encourage Homeschool families to Be Real. : )   It changed my perspective and I pray it will change our family too!  I am reminding myself today, “Good things are Hard.  Hard things are Good.”  And thanking God for our Hard Marriage, and Hard teenage years.

Thanks again,

A mom

Golden Nala has been with us now for four months. Things have gotten back to normal. Smile. Well, no, we have a slightly different, new normal. For instance, there is no such thing as hitting the snooze button with Nala around. Once the alarm goes off, she is up and making sure we get up, too. My husband hasn’t been late to work once since she arrived, and I haven’t slept past 6:30 am either. Life with older dogs had gotten into a smooth, slow routine. Like life with a human toddler, our lives just got shaken up, but for the better.

Life is suddenly brighter at 6:30 am with Nala licks and tail thumps as she manages to wake both of us at the same time, giving one puppy kisses and the other tail thumps before friskily flipping in one bounce to reverse the action. At first, it was an excited run to the yard for morning busies. Now, after four months, Nala insists on food first followed by a brisk walk around our large yard, sniffing every flower or bug and greeting the neighbor dogs as she takes care of morning busies along the way. I have gotten more exercise in these months and seen more sunrises than I have in a few years. The feel of the warmth on my face as the sun slides up has taught me where east is while filling me with joy as I ponder God’s creation. The two older dogs, who used to sleep in beside me, now walk with us and feel the warmth of the new day’s sun melting away the stiffness from the old bones. Life is different with Nala, but it is better.

In her short time, Nala has gotten used to new sounds, new sights, and new activities. Nala has given kisses to several students as they took new baby steps seeming to understand that baby steps were actually giant leaps for each of them as she encouraged them to keep working. Nala has helped me graduate the 2015 class of Wynfield Christian Academy and even gave them the signature Nala full-body wag as we all celebrated their milestone. Recently, we traveled out of town to a special service held by the South Georgia Conference of the United Methodist Church to say goodbye one last time to my sweet Daddy. Nala led me through the crowds, sat at my feet as we listened about his life until it was our moment, quietly helped me take the first corporate communion I’ve had in years, and then she stood by my side as the Elder called his name, and we said, “Thank you, Lord, for this your servant.” Nala leaned against my leg as if to support me and show her love as they rang the bell signifying that Daddy is now at home in peace.

Nala has done so much already in a short time, but is she a second match in Heaven? I already had one, so is my prayer for a second too much to ask? Nala is fitting in so well, that you might think it is possible. Let me tell you a little story about talking with her puppy raiser and how it all began. . .

Nala’s puppy raiser family was a husband, wife, a daughter who was a senior in high school, and another daughter who was a Junior, along with a niece. In a way, Nala had lots of help in the raising department. Nala was sponsored by a Junior class at a high school as a gift honoring the Senior class of that high school. The high school was the school the two daughters attend. In fact, the younger daughter, being a Junior, sponsored Nala, as a gift honoring the Senior class, including her very own older sister. That might seem like a coincidence, but there was a plan in place. Nala’s raiser, the mom, had a father who really supported the cause of Southeastern Guide Dogs and had always wanted to raise a puppy for them. He died a few years ago, before he got the chance. Nala’s puppy mom decided she would complete the dream herself and raised one puppy before Nala. The raiser didn’t say, but I can read between the lines and probably see that the mom or the Junior daughter knew just the perfect gift to suggest to the Junior class to honor the Senior class and her sister giving her sister an even more special gift as the new puppy could live with them for a year being loved by them all. This story, minus my little addition of reading between the lines, was included in the public bio of the raiser and her family in the welcome package I received the day I signed the owner transfer agreement to receive Nala at the end of our training period. With my father dying so recently and the fact that he loved dogs and my gift of independence through a dog, I felt a connection to this family I had never met. There was a common thread between our two families: the love of a dog.

With this thought in mind, I was given a brief connection via emails just before my trainer left. There would not be any other connections for at least ninety days. That is a good policy that Southeastern Guide Dogs has because it allows a smooth transition for the dog’s bonding to the new handler. Once the transition is made, then both parties can decide, unfettered by feelings of obligations and deeply sensed sentiments, whether or not continued contact fits their particular lifestyle. Not knowing what either of us might decide, I wanted to leave a distinct impression of my appreciation for what the family does for Southeastern Guide Dogs and especially for what they did for me, personally. We talked in text about the generalities of our lives, and I explained how much a guide dog does for me by giving me a sense of independence and confidence. Then, I couldn’t help but think of my father again, knowing he would have loved meeting Nala, which reminded me of how the love of dogs brought our two families together. I typed, “Your father is smiling down on you, I’m sure, proud of what you are providing to those of us who need it.” It was all I knew to say to express so much of what was in my heart.

Later, as I talked with my trainer, she told me the puppy raiser had said I seemed perfect for Nala and had brought her to tears with my comment. I was so glad that those few words were able to express some of what I felt. My trainer went on with words I didn’t expect. “I feel this was truly a match made in heaven.” My heart skipped a beat, and I gasped with awe. My Lord had found the perfect way to show me His love and that He is always in the middle of the details. I typed quickly to confirm, “Did you tell her about my article or anything like that?” The response was, “No, nothing at all. I thought it was interesting.” All I could say was, “Yes, there is a God.” Yes, there is, and He is perfect in every way and so good to me.

We make plans, but God guides our steps. That scripture, Proverbs 16:9, has meant a lot to me over the years. It has never been more visible, more real, than it was in that moment. Thank you, Lord, for Your goodness and faithfulness. Yes, I certainly got a second match made in Heaven.

In the past few weeks, my husband has made several comments about what a tragedy it is that kids eventually grow up and leave home.  He hates the thought that some day his kids will not want to sit on the couch and snuggle him in the evenings.  Each time he says this I am slightly dumbstruck.  How could the healthy, natural progression of a person’s life from childhood to adulthood be a tragedy?

Now that summer is in full force, my children seem to grow as quickly as the weeds in my lawn. I am often tempted to say, “Stop growing so fast!” and to complain about how much they eat or how short their pants are getting.  But the truth is, I want them to grow!  I want to see them learn new things.  I want to see them try — and fail — and then try again and succeed!

Nothing grows or matures without going through some changes.  A plant starts as an innocuous little seed, then becomes a tiny sprout with its first two leaves.  Before long you’ve got a seedling strong enough to be transplanted.  Later you will have a mature plant with blossoms and immature fruit.  Finally the growing, changing plant will provide a harvest and eventually will wither away and die, but not before leaving behind seeds for next year’s generation.  It is a natural and beautiful process, one that many gardeners around the world look forward to year after year.

Sometimes growth leads to change that is difficult.  It often leads to separation between people who were formerly close, like brothers who shared a room their entire childhood now living on opposite sides of the earth.  Sometimes growth means the ending of something good; sometimes it means the start of something even better.  Sometimes change is sad, but most often change cannot be quantified as either good or bad, it is just new like a bend in the road.

Change is not a tragedy.  A tragedy is a child dying and never making it to adulthood.  A near tragedy is a child never maturing and growing into an infantile adult who is incapable of functioning in an adult world.  It would be heartbreaking for my children to never reach maturity or grow out of their cute little speech impediments because it would indicate that something was not right.  But watching them grow in capability and independence, while it tugs at a mother’s heartstrings, is a beautiful and natural thing.  Growing up is not a tragedy.  Moving on is not a tragedy.  Coming to the end of something good is not a tragedy.  It can be sad, but it is a natural part of growing and changing.  I hope I can learn to embrace the beauty of change even when it makes me a little sad in the process!  And I hope my husband can too.

Touch is my connection to the world. It is a natural way of being when you are both deaf and blind. You need no lessons or have no choice but to use the more dominant sense of what is left for effective communication. Smell and taste provide added clues toward information, but only touch can let you reach out to the world, and let you feel its beat and know its way. From that touch, communication can be obtained by language on the hands or through the use of technology such as Braille. Life can be accessed through touch. Life can be lived through touch.

By living life and meeting others like ourselves, a new way of life based on this touch is developing. When a few people notice that development, new and better ways can be created. It isn’t fantasy. It is happening. A way of being for the deaf and blind. A way to be DeafBlind with a culture and a community that gathers together to learn, grow, and live. The lifestyle is being called Pro-tactile because at its very heart is touch.

What is this lifestyle called Pro-tactile exactly? How do you live it? The simplest answer is just touch. The focus is literally on the touch. Most people do things that communicate by sight. People nod their head to say, “yes,” or shake their head to say, “no.” Gestures are used to visually tell someone to go away or stop. Facial expressions convey yes and no, anger, confusion, sarcasm, laughter, surprise. Hearing blind express and understand those same communication nuances through tone and inflection. They literally hear an eye roll or tears shed through voice tone and inflection or body movements. The DeafBlind can see or hear those communication clues or not well enough to ensure full understanding.

How can they get that vital information? Touch. We have developed natural touch techniques through our interactions with other people, but most importantly, our interactions with each other where we feel the most comfortable to explore for ourselves instead of just being communicated with and how we have been taught by hearing and sighted people who thought they knew better. What it did in reality was limit conversation and slow that conversation down to a crawl where it actually impedes comprehension. You know how when people spell a word very slowly for you to ask you what that word is, but you just can’t get the picture in your head because the individual letters are just swimming in your mind. ” P…. i…… c……, uh, t…. u… r…, uh, e” Then suddenly, that word you thought was so foreign or high level vocabulary is actually picture. Slow Tactile ASL isn’t much better. TASL without natural tactile communication clues for transferring all the feelings, expressions, and directional clues is just as mind boggling. The key word to focus on here, in addition to tactile, is NATURAL. The flow of conversation opens up and information flows and, along with that information, relationships develop and flourish.

With Pro-tactile, we add more natural touches to enhance communication and help the speed and flow of conversation to be more natural. We find ways to add those communication clues to our tactile conversations to let our participants know we are listening, understanding, and provide feedback without interrupting the flow of conversations. Head nods become hand taps on the forearm or leg. Signing yes, no, stop, right as in yes, right I agree, as the person is talking to you lets them know you are there, listening, and understanding or not understanding. In addition, descriptions of rooms, to places, and even the parts of a good story can all be done tactually on the person you are talking with to better help explain things that become abstract when painted in the air like a finger pointing or a child climbing a tree.

This part of our natural lives is developing into our customs and culture. The explanations are growing into workshops for everyone from hearing people to interpreters to DeafBlind people. These natural movements are being analyzed and labeled with terms like backchanneling which is for those tactile head nods and subtle tones of “I’m listening, I’m understanding, and I agree or disagree,” and mapping which identifies our use of each other’s backs, arms, and legs to draw miniature maps to describe the action on a stage at the play to the way to the restroom in a restaurant to describing to that person you are telling a story to show the boy climbing a tree to look across the valley. It is how we connect with each other and the world around us.

Are you wondering about those touches on the leg? Are you wondering if it is appropriate? As we meet and learn each other, we develop that rapport naturally and use techniques that are appropriate for the relationship, but all the touches are used in an appropriate manner and convenient for the conversation and its surroundings. Everyone must learn boundaries with touch in relationships, but hearing also use touch on a shoulder, hand, or even a knee to show compassion, show support or a gentle grab of the elbow or gentle guidance on the back to guide. Any of these touches can be inappropriate if in an inappropriate context, but we learn in which contexts those touches are appropriate and even beneficial. Those appropriate touches and those appropriate contexts are the same with Pro-tactile. Individuals must know what is comfortable and know how to inform when something isn’t comfortable. Pro-tactile isn’t about going beyond what is beneficial for conversational enhancement. Used properly, Pro-tactile brings us together, not push us apart.

Pro-tactile is just how DeafBlind people live their lives to communicate and understand their world. It is based on touch in the same way that sight and hearing is for most people. When you communicate with us, think about touch first to let us know you are there by a gentle touch on the shoulder or arm, touch our back or knee as you listen to an interpreter explain what we are saying or read what we type to you, and tap that hand, so we know you are listening. Close the fingers into a fist and tap like you would nod your head to say yes, or do a very gentle swipe with the index and middle finger and your thumb to answer (ASL for no), no, as we talk. When you laugh, let us touch your neck to feel your laughter rather than sign the ASL sign for laughter or type, “I’m laughing,” so we experience that laughter with you and can join in at the same time rather than after the fact. Draw a sad or happy face to show us your emotions. If you move, trail our shoulders and backs as you move around, so we always know where you are at the moment. As you do a task, let us keep our hand on yours as you complete it, so we always know what you are doing, and we can feel present and involved. Let your focus be touch, and you can reach us and we will be able to reach you through the Pro-tactile way – the DeafBlind way.

Links to see more of what Pro-tactile is for better understanding:

http://www.protactile.org

http://dotbug3.blogspot.com/2013/11/how-pro-tactile-changed-my-life.html

If you caught my article last month you’re aware that we finally graduated our oldest child.  That event and others have brought me to the realization that things are both ending and beginning in our family and home.

Recently I came upon a quote that spoke to me.  T.S. Eliot said, “What we call the beginning is often the end.  And to make an end is to make a beginning.  The end is where we start from.”  I started thinking about the creation of Home and School Mosaics and the goals of its contributors.  I also thought about its co-creators, two wonderful ladies that I’m glad to say are close friends even though we live many miles apart.  As I reflected on the ideas, accomplishments and lives of the many people involved in making Home and School Mosaics a reality and ongoing favorite of many homeschoolers, I realized that, for me, becoming a contributor was the beginning of something that would allow me to share ideas and information, possibly encourage another homeschooling parent, and put some of the many thoughts that revolve in my head into a place to refer to later.  I have realized lately that it is time for a new beginning.  Now that I am moving on to homeschool a uniquely different child it is time to move from the comfortable to new ways of teaching and learning.  It is time to embrace new ideas and activities to teach this little boy that is quite different from the young woman I must let fly on her own.  My time and efforts need to move in another direction.  Yes, it is time for this fat lady to sing.

First, I have no issues with referring to myself as the fat lady so no comments are needed on that.  I’ve been overweight for a very long time.  It was a reference to the old saying that “It’s not over until the fat lady sings.”  Did I ever mention I love to sing?  I’ve been singing in choirs and praise teams, sometimes with adults and sometimes with kids, for years and even sang in a couple of musicals.  Singing lifts and encourages me.  It also allows me to reach inside and share parts of my mind and heart.  I recently told my daughter that I’m pretty sure my brain thinks in songs.  I often hear something and a song comes to mind.  I consider it a gift from God.  Sometimes I’ve giggled over a song that comes to mind.  Other times I’ve been brought to tears by a song that tugs at my heart.  Many times I’ve been encouraged by a song that suddenly speaks to me.  This fat lady is ready to sing a new song.  It is time to move on from this wonderful group of writers and find the next thing to focus on.  As my eyes get teary while writing this, my brain is remembering the song that says, “This is the song that never ends.  It just goes on and on my friend.  Somebody started singing it, not knowing what it was …”  I’m confident that I’ll be sharing myself elsewhere, perhaps even writing.  I’ve often thought it would be fun to write children’s books

The writers of this website are incredible people with very different lives that came together to touch their readers.  I think we’ve accomplished that.  Bring it on!  It’s time to learn a new song.  It’s not goodbye.  I won’t say goodbye.  I’ll just turn the corner and keep moving and …