I’m back!

Wow, the last few months have been totally crazy for me, and I didn’t plan on taking two months off, but it sort of happened when deadlines came and went without me noticing. And let me tell you, that isn’t me.

I was pregnant. Really pregnant. Our third daughter arrived on October 21, weighing 8 lbs. 1 oz. and was 20 ½ inches long. Addy has been quite a blessing to our family already. Her big sisters just dote on her.

But this pregnancy wasn’t a time of excitement and glowing for me like how most people make pregnancy out to be. It was anything but. I wish it was just physical ailments that got me down, but it wasn’t.

Emotionally, I was an absolute wreck for this pregnancy. And it totally took me by surprise when it happened too. I had two older children andtheir pregnancies didn’t set me on edge or cause the anxiety this one did for some reason. Ok, let me rephrase that, I don’t know why in the world the older two girls’ pregnancies didn’t trigger the anxiety that the third pregnancy did.

You see, I am a statistic. I grew up in a family that grew more dysfunctional by the year. By the time I was in Jr. High and High School, my family had gotten to all forms of abuse except for physical. My years in high school were pure torture. And it was a slow descent to that point. One where I should have stood up for myself and reported it, but years of being taught that no one would believe you, that you are just over sensitive, build to the point (like a frog getting boiled). You don’t realize the damage that is being done until it is too late.

For some reason, baby three triggered the memories of what was done to me, especially the sexual aspect of it, and it caused a lot of issues for the duration of this pregnancy. I was hardly functioning at all. I couldn’t let anyone touch me. If someone did, I would start to have a panic attack. Even normal, innocent touching would set me off. The day in July when I took the girls out to eat at their favorite chicken sandwich restaurant and an employee came up behind me and touched me on the shoulder to let me know he was there before asking if I needed a refill of my tea was the breaking point. I started in on a panic attack and I had to hurry the girls up to finish eating so we could go home, where I spent the next three hours locked in my room waiting for the panic to stop so I could get the grocery shopping done for the month.

I hadn’t realized how bad I had gotten until that day. I should have, since I refused to be touched by even a medical professional or my husband. I ended up getting what is termed “late maternity care,” after searching locally for a care provider who wouldn’t be scared off with the situation. The hospital system I had used before flat out refused to accept me as a patient over it. Which, in the long run, turned out to be quite a blessing as I did get introduced to a wonderful OB/GYN who was patient and kind and didn’t force anything on me. And the birth of Addy was incredible with the other hospital system in town.

I write this to say that, statistically, no matter how alone you feel in dealing with being abused as a child, you aren’t. Depending on where you find your statistics, 1 in 3 or 1 in 4 woman have been abused sexually. And the memories of the abuse can be triggered at any time afterwards and not always by the same things.

In late summer, I finally got good maternity care, found a book written for pregnant survivors and their medical care givers (Survivor Moms by Mickey Sperlich), returned to counseling after being out for nearly a decade, and, after much struggle, accepted a prescription for a mild anti-anxiety medication for the duration of the pregnancy. It was the help I needed to get through such a horrible time in my life. A horrible time that was supposed to be full of joy and excitement. And while I wish it could have been different, it is what it is.

I’m a lot better than I was a few months ago now. I know that this is something I will always have to deal with but, with the right tools and support from my husband and others who love me, I know that, in the end, I will thrive and not be bound to the haunting from my past.

Please, if you are a survivor, know you are not alone. And please know that pregnancy can trigger memories of the abuse (even if the abuse never resulted in you getting pregnant and it isn’t always the first pregnancy to do it, for me it was my technically my fourth). Please don’t do what I did and let it get so bad that you are not able to live life in a functional way. It is ok to seek help for yourself. You can thrive and overcome the past so that it doesn’t control you.

You can’t control the past, but you are in control of your future. And remember, you are not alone in this. You are beautiful and you are brave and you can be fierce. Fiercely seek out the resources you need. You can do it!

We love the pictures and videos of babies learning American Sign Language, ASL (or any other sign language of your country) to ask for “more milk” or “cookie” or “play.” It is a great help to parents; but it is also making our babies smarter, according to the experts.

The research tells us that language building begins at birth; and the more ways we engage our children in language activities along with play, the better and sooner our babies will develop. That is why you see parents teaching their babies Spanish or French numbers, colors, and basic words. It became popular to not only read to your children and build with alphabet blocks, but to do it in more than one spoken language. Then more research came about saying ASL signs would make your baby smarter, too; so it became popular to add that to our early lessons. It is an awesome idea and definitely works to better build language basics.

Does that change if your baby can’t hear? Some hearing parents seem to think so. After they hear those words that their baby is different, broken, deaf, the parents fear for their baby’s future in the world they know. The parents may think they must do something – anything – to cure their baby and give them a future in the world they think is best, their world, the hearing world. Those are normal fears and thoughts. They are also not wrong, though the Deaf world is a good place, too. Every family is different. Every situation is different. The choices made have to be different, too. Research the options, and decide what is best for your family. That could be to learn ASL and embrace Deaf culture, or it could be to opt for a cochlear implant and try to help your child bridge the gap to the hearing world. Or, your family could even decide to try to make the best of both worlds. The decision is up to you.

Regardless of your decision, though, don’t dismiss the good that other hearing parents (and possibly you, before your child’s diagnosis) found in the studies of ASL and language acquisition. Those studies are still just as valid, if not more so. Even with early implantation of a cochlear implant, building language from sound alone will take time, and possibly more time than a child with normal hearing. Adding that ASL along with other sound therapies may just increase language foundation development as it does for children with normal hearing. Learning ASL alone won’t necessarily make your child Deaf culturally or prevent your child from being comfortably part of the hearing world.

Since time is of the essence in preparing a child for formal learning and life 9and even more so for a child without normal hearing0, use ASL to enrich the first lessons about a child’s surroundings with visual information as well as auditory. Understanding is increased more quickly when they have a visual “word” for a concept or object; and that understanding can decrease the amount of time that the same auditory word is understood by attaching meaning to visual symbol, and then the visual symbol provides a means to attach the meaning to the sound symbol heard. The important thing is that the object in the environment is given a meaningful symbol for communication to begin. If providing a visual symbol along with the sound symbol decreases the amount of time needed for the child to attach and retain meaning, why wouldn’t you want to use it? Success in the world depends on understanding and then communicating that understanding. Give plenty of different ways for the child to access that knowledge and help them to do that as quickly as possible. That should be the goal. Anything else pales in importance.

ASL, visual sign language, can be an important means of providing understanding to any child (and possibly more quickly than auditory symbols alone) while it also provides linguistic skill foundation in another language besides the verbal. This will only add to brain development and intelligence. All children can benefit from it, so don’t deprive a child with hearing loss of its benefits.

Last week I celebrated my big 5-0 birthday. Yes, it is a shocker, and the sound of it still sends chills down my spine. It was a great day. The whole family had lunch at one of our favorite restaurants, then we went to the new movie “Big Hero 6” (great movie), and then we hosted a party that night with old friends that I hadn’t seen in over a decade.

Against my wishes, my wife had everyone bring a gag gift. I’m a terrible gift OPENER and sat there like a lame-brain opening their gag gifts. One of the gifts was a big poster board poking fun at some of the sayings I’m known for…and one of them was a play on the book Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe, but instead of ‘believe’ it said ‘tell.’

That got me thinking how many of the lies homeschooling moms believe are a result of the lies homeschooling moms TELL. And sometimes you moms are guilty of telling some whoppers.

Now, I know you’re not telling them intentionally or to deceive…you just want things to sound better than they are. So when you’re in a group and certain topics come up, you’re quick to say things like, “We’re having so much fun studying such and such…oh, I’m doing great…we all just laughed and laughed as we sat on the couch reading together…look at what my daughter wrote…”

Sometimes you don’t SAY anything at all, but there is “lie telling” by not telling how things are really going.

I remember talking to one homeschool leader who said, “We just need to put our best foot forward.” He smiled at me like he was being noble. What I should have said, but didn’t think of at the moment was, “Yeah, but our best foot is a LIE.”

You see, Mom, part of the problem with all the lies homeschooling moms believe is that WE tell homeschooling lies. We post the happy stuff, the great meals, the fun trips, and yet ignore or embellish the raw, ugly truth.

So here’s your assignment: if you do Facebook, go out on a limb and tell something truthful. Tell those friends of yours what your school day really looked like. You might even need to go a back a few days and put your “REAL” foot forward.

You’re not doing it because it feels good or because it’s cleansing somehow (which it is). You’re doing it because other homeschooling moms need you to be real…to help them believe the truth.

Only the truth,

Todd

PS – Looking for some great Christmas products to encourage your family? Then check out our Christmas family crafts, great read-alouds, and Christmas Game To Bethlehem. And if you’re looking for a great gift for your hubby, then get our best-selling product, the You ‘da Dad Daily Calendar. He’ll love it!

By the time the first of the year rolls around, I am so burnt out on school. Luckily, we don’t have much longer because, by Easter, we have concluded for the year. After we spend two weeks on Christmas break, I feel that is long enough to recover from all things holiday. So, in the first full week in January, our year resumes, only we switch to four days a week. My boys and I hit the ground running because we know that we are almost to the end of the year and there isn’t anything more refreshing for this veteran homeschool mom than knowing that I am about to get a much deserved break.

In January, I have a meeting with my homeschool administrator to report grades; we do this twice a year. It’s no biggie when you have one child, but when you have three still schooling at home that’s when it gets a little tricky. So I am working on getting all of my forms ready in time and I do that when we have our Christmas break. So, by the time January rolls around, I am ready to go to my meeting. I have been homeschooling for so long that it is sort of routine by now. I just recently graduated my oldest and have three more to go. My youngest is only four and, since we graduate our children by the age of 16, I still have a long way to go.

We usually don’t really have a hard time adjusting back to school. I get the usual groaning, but then it’s back to school as normal. We try to enjoy our Alabama winter as much as we can; but by January it is usually too cold for the children to do anything outside. As a result of this, we spend afternoons in – drinking hot chocolate, eating snacks, and playing board games. And as a homeschool mom, I get back to planning for the next year. A big part of this is choosing our curriculum for the upcoming year.

This year we have added just a little more to our now oldest son’s schooling. He will start studying for SAT’s this school year. He isn’t really looking forward to it as much as my husband and I are. We are really eager to see where his learning is. So, as you can see, this month is just as busy as any other month in our household.

What plans do you have for the new year?

The last article I wrote was a brilliant piece about Lies Homeschooling Moms TELL. Honestly, after writing it, I hadn’t thought much more about it until yesterday. As I was reading the Christmas cards and letters that have been trickling in, I suddenly had this thought: the BIGGEST lie homeschooling moms TELL has to be, “I’m doing fine.”

In reality, it doesn’t take much digging to find out that most homeschooling moms (and moms in general) aren’t doing fine. They feel defeated, worn down, burned out, and tired of dealing with kids, husbands, homeschooling, and LIFE.

Instead of admitting it like a sane person who should know better, they perpetuate the lie and say things like, “Oh, I’m doing fine.”

Not only is it damaging to the person telling the fib, but it also has a truth-stifling effect on the one asking. Believe it or not, sometimes the people asking are hoping for a little crack so they can admit the truth of their own falling apart world to someone. As soon as they hear the lie though, they clam up tighter than an oyster.

I think it’s time we stop telling the big lie and start telling the truth. We need some brave homeschooling moms who will say, “I’m not doing fine. I’m dying here. I can’t stand my husband, my children, or homeschooling right now. If something doesn’t change, I’m going to FREAK!!”

Can you imagine how freeing that would be, not only to the teller but to the asker? I’m sure many would respond with an, I feel the same way.

Mom, would you be the ONE? Would you be the one who tells the truth the next time someone asks, “How are you doing?” Would you tell it like it is? Tell them how you feel? Tell them the ugly, freedom-producing truth. And, if someone answers you honestly, don’t freak out when they tell you that things aren’t going so well.

No more LIES. No More LIES!!!!!!

The truth!

Todds

My favorite quote is one that is hand written on an index card and is hanging on my desk. This quote is by a man who has inspired many people and has given us so much.

My favorite quote is by Walt Disney and he said, “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” This hand written quote has been in the same spot for several years and it still is a daily reminder for me.

The first time I read this quote, I kept on rereading it; and then I had to write it down and hang it up. This little quote speaks volumes to me. To me, this little quote reminds me that, in order to do anything, I must first take the step and start whatever it is I have been talking about doing and actually do it. After all, look what Walt Disney accomplished. He became a great illustrator and made movies that families would enjoy. Then he made the first Disney Park in California, and then started work on the second of several more parks to come in Florida. All this because he had a dream and went for it. But, in order to accomplish that dream, he had to take that first step and start working on the dream that he had.

I tend to be all talk and no action when it comes to certain things. I come up with great ideas and want to do certain things, but then something happens and those ideas never materialize. I think a lot of people are like this especially at this time of year when everyone is making their New Year’s resolutions. We all have high hopes, but it is so hard to actually get going on those resolutions. If we all apply what Walt Disney said, “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing,” we could all accomplish great things.

So, my little index card with this quote on it continues to hang over my desk so that I can be reminded that I have to stop hemming and hawing about what ever and get going or it will never get done. Maybe one day I will actually have this quote framed over my desk so that I can have a more permanent reminder of this quote.

I sat in the hospital’s chapel. Hands clasped. Head bowed. A wave of emotions washed over me as I pleaded for my son’s life. I begged God, Jesus, my great grandma, anyone who would listen, to heal Logan’s sick and fragile body. Anger plagued my heart. “What are you doing? What do you want from me? Since Logan was born he’s fought for life. Enough is enough.”

I looked to the heavens and demanded answers.

Noise from beyond the chapel door ceased. My ears rang, face flushed and, through the obscure threads of silence, scripture knitted within me.

For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I sucked in a breath. I’m confident my great grandma scolded me as well, “Go fight for your son. Stop this woeful nonsense.” Whether it was a spiritual experience or my sleep-deprived brain desperate for any kind of resolution, I listened. My chest fluttered and lifted. I had fought the wrong war with the wrong arsenal.

I refused to let go. I refused to accept any thing but revival and restoration. Logan needed me to fight. He needed me to have faith and hope. He needed me to not doubt what was satisfied. Little did I know, this was the start of the battle; but, with each trial, the scripture remained.

There have been times I’ve doubted my beliefs, questioned my faith. I feel that’s a natural feeling when going through difficult situations. We all reach points of doubt and defeat. We’re human and when we become lost, in most incidences we become stronger and return with a renewed sense of conviction.

We aren’t meant to know the plans God has for us. We aren’t meant to understand life’s tests or unforeseen troubles. Doesn’t make it any less frustrating or minimize the pain, anger, or confusion churning inside your stomach. But what of the good, the plans filled with happiness and joy? Those are what bring light into the dark. Life is an enigma, and trying to figure it all out will drive you mad.

Words are powerful.

Solace can be found in scripture, quotes, or even song lyrics. And when you are seeking answers, they will come to you, just make sure you are listening with not just your ears but with your heart.

Tell me, do you have a favorite quote, one that had an impact on your life?  

I was thinking the other day about how many different roles a person has to fill in their life. Take me for example: I’m a woman, a daughter, a wife, a mother, and a child of God, to name my most basic roles. Then if you add in the more “exotic” roles, I could describe myself as a former teacher, a writer, a crocheter, a knitter, a tatter, a sewist (that is so much nicer than ‘sewer’! ), a gardener, a sculptor, a reader, a cleaner, and the list could go on and on.

Some of my roles are my “default” mode and are constant in my life. Others of the roles are more random and possibly temporary and fluctuate from week to week or day to day. I’m also not as accomplished at some of them as others, either.   I’ve been sewing and crocheting for most of my life, so I can pretty much make whatever I feel like making. I’ve been sculpting for a much shorter amount of time, so I’m not as good at making mini babies as I will be after I’ve had more practice.

Some of my roles are harder for me to claim. For example, it is sometimes hard for me to identify myself as a writer. I’ve been writing stories for as long as I can remember, but I haven’t written a complete manuscript or gotten anything published, so I feel like I’m not really a writer. But if I embrace the role, wouldn’t that make me “own” it more?   I also think of myself as a “former teacher” because, in my “previous life,” I taught Kindergarten. I haven’t taught in a classroom since before my oldest was born 10 years ago, so I’m a former teacher, when in reality, I teach every day. I’m not a homeschooler, but I am my children’s first teacher and they are always learning from me and how I respond to situations.

As a Christian, I need to remember that I am a reflection of Christ and need to make sure that He shines through me. I have to keep “practicing” my role so that I’m accomplished at it and people will be able to see that I am different than the general population.   If I actively choose to identify with Christ, then I will be “owning” that role also, and I think that will make me more passionate about following Him in my life.

What roles do you fill? Do you have some that are easier for you than others?

I love quotes written by authors that touch my heart, as if they were speaking directly to me. Today I want to share with you just a couple that define me and seem to have been written out of the same mold that created me.

“When words fail, music speaks.” ~Hans Christian Anderson

Unfortunately, I have trouble forming my own thoughts into words. I am a musician and it is much easier for me to place my bow on my viola and let out my emotions through performance. Attempting to string a series of words together into a coherent sentence when speaking seems to be impossible at times. I tend to muddle my meaning and forget tenses. I panic and can have a difficult time talking to people without stumbling over my own voice. This is one of those trademarks of being an intense introvert. I am in my head so often, that trying to get out of it and have a conversation with someone is a difficult task. My music is a better medium to convey my thoughts and inner struggles.

“As long as you live, be lighthearted. Let nothing trouble you. Life is only too short and time takes its toll.” ~Epitaph of Seikilos

A little bit of music history, but this quote is actually the oldest music that we have intact. It is an ancient Greek saying that was written on Seikilos’ tombstone. You can even listen to the eerie music here. I was introduced to this piece in one of my music history classes when I was in college. The quote struck me from the moment I heard it, not because the eerie music was invoking a long-lost era, but because it reminded me that life is fleeting. Music students take life extremely seriously. It is all about practicing, master classes, auditions, and theory. Everything is stressful and everything is troublesome. This quote reminded me to breathe! I live by this quote these days. My heart is light and I try dearly to enjoy each day as it comes. I have little ones, and they will be grown and out of my house one day. The day will come when I have too much spare time on my hands. I choose this quote to be my mantra as I endeavor to enjoy each moment I am here on this beautiful earth.

“Yes, I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can find his way by moonlight, and see the dawn before the rest of the world.” -Oscar Wilde

I have always been told my head is in the clouds. I have grand ideas and my heart is big. This quote is a reminder that it is creative dreamers like me that change the world. I may not be inventing a new surgical device that will save lives, but I am impacting three small souls in my house daily. I want them to see that I can dream and live big. I want them to dream and find their way by moonlight and fairy dust. Walt Disney was a dreamer. Steve Jobs was a dreamer. Harriet Tubman was a dreamer. Albert Einstein, Thomas Jefferson, and Ludwig von Beethoven were dreamers. It is in dreams that our reality can be born.

It was very difficult only choosing a few quotes to share with you. I have been compiling some of my favorites on my website. Check out these quotes and some of my other favorites. Do you have a favorite quote? How does it impact you?

I wish someone would have warned me to this universal fact – Moms don’t get sick days. Had I known 20 years ago what I know now, I would have built at least a few days off for illness into my wedding vows!

Being around all sorts of ickies and yuckies doesn’t mean that Mom has to come down with every virus she meets (or gets to clean up after). Years ago, I was blessed by a wise mom with some very basic, frugal, and practical ways to keep myself from being banished to the sick bed. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but, will always keep you pointed in the right direction no matter how crazy life becomes.

*Meet with your Creator during the day!
The earlier the better. However, fellowship with the Lord is always good no matter the time!

*Hug your loved ones!
Hugs are free. Of course, use proper technique when your loved one is also the contagious one.

*Reconcile unresolved stress!
Do not allow feelings to fester. This will drain your emotional state (affecting your immune system in the process) quicker than a hole in a gas tank! Either go directly to the source to reconcile or, if this isn’t possible, take it before the Lord.

*Get enough sleep!
Aim for lights out by 10 pm. Every hour of sleep you get before midnight counts for two. Napping as necessary also counts!

*Eat foods as close to the way God made them.
Shop the perimeter of the grocery store hitting the meat and produce sections. Avoid boxed items as much as possible. If you can’t pronounce it, even with the help of Google Translate, don’t eat it!

*Drink water!
Do I need to elaborate? Water helps flush out our system, hydrates our cells, and is the best fluid to drink!

*Move everyday!
Get at least 20 minutes of some form of exercise that you enjoy.

*Get some sunshine.
Vitamin D comes naturally from the sun and you don’t need to sunbathe for hours to receive the benefit. Besides, sun on your face just plain feels good!

Now that you have some easy basics to maintain your health, hopefully you won’t need to ask to use some of those mythical sick days. By saving those days, perhaps you can save them for some much needed vacation/quiet/alone time!

There is a quote that has been a favorite of mine for some time now. So long, in fact, I had it shown on my MySpace Page back in the day. Ha!

“Stuff your eyes with wonder . . . live as if you’d drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It’s more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.” – Ray Bradbury in the book “Fahrenheit 451

That is only part of it. The rest surely would be entertaining, but isn’t necessary. You can look it up if you are curious.

I think one of the reasons why I love this quote is the simple fact that it comes so close to describing how I feel about this life of mine. The part that says ‘Stuff your eyes with wonder’ makes me think of babies growing up. To them, everything is new. New sights, new sounds . . . just living is such an experience! I think that, once we grow up, life just tends to be a lot of the same. Wake up, eat, work, go to bed . . . or something similar.

But look around!! There are so many wonderful things just in our little daily lives. That little bird that comes around and sings day after day? Next time, take a few moments and watch it. And then, a few more moments and close your eyes so you can listen with full attention. That is such a little thing, and doesn’t take much time. I know we are all busy, but there are little moments here and there that should not be missed!

‘See the world.’ Oh, how I long to do this very thing. I want to see as much as I can before I am not able to any more. Unfortunately, I do not even have a passport at this time; but I know that, someday, I will. Then, I can fulfil this wish of mine. It might be next year, or not for ten years.

Basically, what this quote is saying to me is to not just go through life blindly. There are so many things to experience, even in the day to day. The last part of the quote makes more sense to me now, after just paying more attention to things around me. Life is pretty dang amazing and my eyes want to be stuffed with as much wonder as possible! I can’t wait!

My 11 year old and I have decided to start focusing on the Fruit of the Spirit. Each month we will be taking a character trait, defining it, and seeing how we can apply it to our life in a better way. We decided to start with Love and it really got me thinking.

What is love? Not the physical love, but the act of showing love to others. This time of year we seem to focus on physical love, but there is so much more to love.

We are talking about the act of love, so we looked up the verb definition of the word. According to www.merriam-webster.com love is:

• To feel great affection for (someone)
• To feel sexual or romantic love for (someone)
• To like or desire (something)

According to http://dictionary.reference.com love is:

• To have a great attachment to and affection for
• To have a passionate desire, longing, and feeling for
• To like or desire very much

Unfortunately, those definitions don’t really explain what love is to me, so we went to look for a Biblical definition. I went to the “love chapter” – 1Corinthians 13. Here is the King James Version.

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

2And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

3And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

4Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

5Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

9For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

10But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

13And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

That is where we ran into another roadblock. I remember memorizing that chapter as a child; but, when I went back to it, I noticed that it didn’t actually mention the word love, but the word charity. AJ’s Bible, on the other hand, had the word love. Then we did a little more digging and looked up the meaning of charity. There are numerous definitions for charity but two of them from dictionary.com are:

• Christian love; agape
• love of ones fellow men

After a lot of searching and learning in the process, we decided to make a list of the ways that we show love. There were numerous things on the list, but for this post I wanted to focus on the love we show my grandmother as we take care of her.

• Love is giving up our own wants and desires to take care of grandma.
• Love is staying up all night because Grandma doesn’t want to sleep.
• Love is turning the other cheek when we have obscenities yelled at us because grandma doesn’t want to go to the doctor.
• Love is changing adult diapers and pretending they are pads to preserve her dignity.
• Love is patient, answering the same questions over and over.
• Love is not making plans, because you don’t know when Grandma is going to have a bad day.
• Love is being embarrassed watching an 85 year old flirt with a teenager because she thinks she is only 12.
• Love is laughing, joking, and remembering old times.
• Love is listening to stories that we know aren’t true and going along with them.
• Love is watching her face light up when she sees something or someone she likes.
• Love is sticking through the bad stuff and enjoying the good stuff.

We have things to work on, but I found making this list very helpful. While we do all of the things above, we don’t always do them with a happy heart and a joyful attitude. Learning about love was a wonderful experience and I can’t wait until next month when we start working on a new Fruit of the Spirit.

What does love mean to you?

I’m sorry, but I just don’t like Facebook. I tolerate it…post stuff on it, because they make me…but I don’t like anything that steals my time and attention away from the people in my life who really matter. That’s not why I’m writing though.

The other day, the powers that be at Facebook notified me that Bruce Miller’s birthday was that day. Bruce went to my high school in central Indiana and he was one of those big kids who got along with ‘most everyone.’

I guess Facebook didn’t realize he was dead. He died a few years ago. I didn’t hear any details; all I knew was that he was gone. It was kind of weird to see that birthday notification. Although we had only spoken to each other once in the last thirty years, it was odd knowing that a guy that I remember so easily was dead.

So what does this have to do with homeschooling? I’m not sure, except this: one of the lies homeschooling moms believe is that they’re always going to be “stuck” in this time frame of small kids, relentless homeschooling, and head-butting teenagers.

That’s not true.

The truth is: time is passing quickly, your small kids are going to grow up, you’ll finish your last day of teaching your children at home, your teenagers will move out of your house, you are going to die, and Facebook will still send me a notification of your birthday!

You may think you’ve got all the time in the world, but you don’t. Instead of wishing it away, you need to cherish every moment you get to spend with your children and spouse. I’m not talking about doing that in the future or on the weekend…I mean right now, today, even during school!!!

Happy birthday Bruce.

Only the Truth!
Todd

It is that time of year again. The bombardment of romantic images are everywhere. The card shops have aisles upon aisles of red and pink envelopes filling the shelves. Men will be seen carrying beautiful bouquets and large heart shaped boxes of chocolates to their sweethearts. Jewelry stores will try to convince young men to finally buy that ring, and all of the good restaurants will be booked solid a week in advance of February 14^th.

Romance is a wonderful thing, but I prefer spontaneity to a rallying cry from Hallmark, and I’d much rather get a new Lego set than a box of chocolate. Bu, then again, t I have never fit the societal norms, so this isn’t really surprising. What I have known from an early age is that a large portion of our society has the wrong impression of what love is. One of the first articles I ever wrote was for my High School newspaper. The topic was how badly we abuse the word “love”. I’m just as guilty as the next person. We say we love food, cars, celebrities we have never met, but when we do this, we do damage to the word, and to the virtue.

Love cannot be bought at a card store or wrapped in a beautiful package. Love is work, and it is sacrifice.

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. ~ John 15:13

When Saint Paul talks about love in his letter to the Corinthians, he is so spot on. The poetic pining of my youth was so far away from the reality of love. There were such clear examples of love right in front of me, and I didn’t have the maturity to recognize them. Now I look back and it is so much clearer.

My father working extra hours meant my sister could have the amazing oboe and the lessons that would help her get a college scholarship.

Now that I am the one driving the children, I think of my mother ferrying four of us to different destinations, and still making sure everyone had clean clothes and full stomachs.

My grandmother would start preparing for Christmas months in advance, budgeting limited time and energy so that her family would all be around her for one special night.

My father’s parents left their homes and families to come to America to keep him safe and give them all the chance to live the American Dream.

I could make a list that would be pages long, but you get the idea. True love means thinking of others first without any expectation of anything in return. It does not mean to be a doormat, it means to be the doorway. The people I love should always find better things through me. While it is a life of humility, it is never humiliation. I will deny myself comfort but it doesn’t leave me downcast; instead it brings me joy.

The thing about real love is that it comes easily. When one of my boys is sick or hurting, I don’t weigh the options; I give him everything he needs, and give it freely and easily. When a family member or friend is sick or in trouble, my first thought is, What can I do?

Now I can see love clearly. My husband heading out to work on cold mornings, and all the long days he puts in so that we have everything we need – that is love. The ceiling fan my father installed when my boys were non-verbal babies who loved things that went in circles – that was love. When I am in the ER with a sick boy and my mother shows up within minutes – yep, love.

We are kept warm by handmade quilts and have boxes with sweet notes. When my father died, before we even got home from the hospital, my mother’s house was filled with friends and family from far and wide.

That is not to say there is anything wrong with this:

Romance is important to marriages and courtships – it just doesn’t have staying power. The candy box empties, the flowers die.

Real love looks like this:

We are called every day to lay down our lives. For most of us it will not be in such a dramatic fashion, but it will be many small crosses. Loads of laundry, sinks filled with dishes, floors to clean, tears to dry, donations to be made, service opportunities, and so on.

The best part is, when I love freely and without any motive, the joy and love inside of me grows, so I have even more to give.

1 Corinthians 13: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:13

As in everyone’s life, there comes a time for change. Some changes are exciting. Some are bittersweet. In the last few months, I have had to accept the bittersweet reality that my ever faithful, still active, but slowing guide and companion dog is nearing retirement. We met a year ago with the graduate supervisor of Southeastern Guide Dogs, Inc. (SEGDI). After spending time with Little Joe and me, and watching us work together and talking about our routine, it was decided that Little Joe could continue for another year or two because he was healthy, moving comfortably, and happy at work still. But, after that, it would be time to start beginning the transitioning process for us both.

In early summer, I began that process. I have written in the past here and in other mediums of our beginnings and our working adventures. It is now fitting to finish his tale as a working guide dog as he moves into retirement as a pet, my pet. This month, I will begin by telling you a little about the school, its process, and our feelings as we begin this new chapter in our lives.

Southeastern Guide Dogs, Bradenton, FL, established in 1982, is situated on multiple acres in a rural area outside of the city limits, alongside I-75. The trained staff uses nothing but donations to carefully breed, socialize, train, and match puppies with legally blind partners to form working guide dog teams. The entire process with all its checks and balances costs approximately $70,000 per dog. Over the years, they have developed one of the finest schools and methods anywhere in the country. If you want to know more, you can find out on their web site http://www.guidedogs.org. Recently, a wonderful article was published that goes a long way explaining the excellence of SEGDI.

Once I finally made the decision that it was time to begin, I started the application process. All applicants, even returning applicants, must go through a screening process. First timers have to go through a little more documentation and testing to provide the required and recent proof that they are legally blind, as described by legal l terms. Legally blind means having visual acuity of 20/200 or less or a peripheral field 20 degrees or less. Once you apply and show eligibility for a guide, you must then be interviewed to discuss and be evaluated on whether you understand and can provide care, proper housing, and food for a dog, as well as being physically able to undergo the training and working of a guide dog team. The process isn’t simple or taken lightly. Both the human and the canine’s safety and welfare depend on everyone clearly understanding the needs and ramifications of a team.

The decision to even apply is usually a difficult one to make. Most people report that, though they wanted a dog, they had doubts about if they could work with a dog independently, care for one being blind, or even if they needed one badly enough to take one of the few and expensively trained dogs from another more deserving candidate. I know I had all of those thoughts go through my mind in the years before I finally applied for my first dog. I realize that, if I am legally blind, I deserve a dog if it will help me improve independence; but the human psyche doesn’t always follow rational logic. As we grapple with our handicaps, we move through a process of denial to acceptance. We want to believe that we don’t necessarily need something and that we are normal. It is never a simple process, though the description and speed vary from one person to another. Once made, most everyone agrees that getting a dog was the best decision they could ever make, but we have to get there in our own way and time.

Getting the second dog is different in the decision to be made, but it isn’t simple or easy either. We now know that a dog is both a companion and a good tool toward independence, so we usually know we are going to get another dog. The decision becomes when. Unless injury or illness or other health problems arise, we are working so well with our guides, and life is going fine, so we don’t want that to change and even fear that we will never get to this same comfortable place with another dog.

For me, I worry about my Little Joe who is 11, but he is still very determined to not let me ever leave him. Little Joe still gets excited and runs happily when he hears me say, “Work Time” or even if I just sign it. Still, for others, it is even more difficult to decide when because their situation such as housing policies or financial concerns demands that they give their current guide up for new adoptive families when that guide retires. Little Joe will stay with me in retirement, so I am blessed not to have to add that factor in the emotionally charged decision process.

As I said, the graduate representative has already met with Joey and I and evaluated us through interview and work observation. She agrees that Joey is healthy and happy at this time. She also agrees that he and I may need a transitional time to work our way through a guide change and to Joey’s full retirement phase. With that information, I decided last June 2014 to fill out the application, submit the medical forms regarding vision, hearing, and physical status, and submit them to Southeastern Guide Dogs for approval.

In August 2014, the training department’s assistant director drove to my home from Florida for the evaluation interview. She looked at Joey and even our other pet, our home, and our yard. Joey and our other pet are healthy, correct weight, and obviously happy and well-loved. That is very important. A new guide does not belong where they won’t be happy and safe. Our home is large enough for another guide, my soon-to-retire guide, and our pet dog. That is important for the guide’s well-being and safety, too. A visual look at me to verify that I am capable and knowledgeable to care for a dog and work a guide was also still needed even though paperwork by doctors and references supported that in the application. She even had Joey and I work a bit -walking down the street – to evaluate our working process to see how much we have relaxed on proper procedures over time by getting used to each other. That gives the trainer an idea of how much I will have to be re-taught to best work with a new guide who will also be much younger.

Our discussions include neighborhood hazards such as uncontrolled neighbor dogs, wildlife, and possible corrective measures that might be needed prior to a new guide’s arrival. We discussed breed of dog desired, pace, pull amounts (some want strong pulls for guiding. I desire very light, since being DeafBlind, I am very tactilely-aware), sex, color. I jokingly said that I want another dog just like Joey. You can probably sense my problem, can’t you? Truthfully, color and sex matter none. Goldador, which is a mix of golden retriever and labrador retriever, is a good all-around guide dog choice due to the benefits of both breeds. In reality, I will take any of the breeds SEGDI uses because their training and matching processes are tops, in my opinion. The interview ended with us waiting to find out the approval of the evaluation committee sometime in the future.

That approval came in early October. I was also scheduled for in-home training due to my situation of being DeafBlind requiring tactile interpreting which might slow down a regular class for both me and my classmates. I totally understand and agree with that. This means that a trainer, who also knows ASL, will come to my home in Georgia from Florida for the training period of probably two to three weeks. The usual class time with a class of about ten students is 26 days after which the successful completion will result in the blind partner signing a contract to transfer ownership of the guide dog to the blind partner, only to be relinquished under extreme terms of hardship or if danger to the guide is found. With only one student in a one on one setting, the training time may be shorter, but nothing will be changed, modified, or left out of the process. Now I wait.

Wait for what? I am waiting for the trainers to use their knowledge and experience to find the match for me. With God’s blessing on their process and SEGDI experience, I received a match made in Heaven the first time. Is it possible to get a second match made in Heaven? I am praying that it is, though it seems impossible when you see Joey and I work together. With God and Southeastern Guide Dogs working on finding that match, I am banking that a second match made in Heaven is coming my way.

Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course, oh
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours.

“This Kiss” – Faith Hill

My kids have led a rather intentionally sheltered life where pop music is concerned. We pretty much listen to Christian music only, with the occasional show tune throw in on really “wild” days. That’s not to say that they all dress in matching attire and I put on a denim jumper every morning before we begin our daily homeschool routine with a solid hour of Bible study, followed by 20 minutes of exercise, followed by going to serve daily in a soup kitchen – all before eating our own breakfast. No! Not that maybe that wouldn’t be great for some people, but we aren’t those homeschoolers, as I think most people who know me in real life can attest to. It’s just that I firmly believe that real, Scriptural love is a choice you make day after day; and I don’t think that’s the message that the world, and most popular music, conveys.

As a child of the 70’s and 80’s, I grew up listening to country and pop on the radio. I’m a music sort of gal. I love to sing. Music stirs my soul. And there is a great deal of research that shows that putting things to music is one of the best ways to learn them, to implant them in your memory for the long haul. Just look at how we teach our “A, B, C’s.” The problem was what I was learning about as I listened and memorized and sang along with all my heart – relationships and love, among other things. I learned about “wanting a man with a slow hand” and a “lover with an easy touch,” which left me wondering at too-young-an-age what a lover even was. You can bet if the internet had been around then I would have gotten QUITE an education.

But I continued listening to “all that” music until well into my adulthood. Believing the lies they sold about what “love” looked like – which was frequently anything but Biblical. The problem is that the type of love in those songs – it only exists in the songwriter’s mind. Either that, or it’s eros love. Real, but speaking only to the physical attraction, and meeting a perceived need at the moment. Neither one is a strong foundation for a lifelong marriage; and, even more than that, the “love should be all about me” mentality undermines ALL your relationships. It’s a recipe for disaster. And I want to be clear that it’s not limited to music – it’s everywhere. From television shows to movies to the advertising that surrounds us, the message that love is a feeling, and that it’s all about YOU is everywhere, especially this month.

When the Pharisees questioned Jesus in Matthew 22, they asked Him, “What is the greatest commandment?” He tells them to love God with all their heart, mind, and soul, but then He adds a second command. He says, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” That kind of love, agape love, is a choice, an action. A matter of will. It’s something we need help with, because it doesn’t come naturally, which is why it is also a fruit of the Spirit. The love we are meant to have for others, for our spouse, our children, our families, our neighbors, it is a love that seeks opportunity to do good, not one that looks for what good can come of it. It’s the exact opposite of what the common culture tells us love should be. It’s the difference between, “divorce is an option” and “until death do us part.”

Real love that lasts is not an emotional “Wrecking Ball” or someone calling you “Baby,” but a daily choice in good times and bad times to stick with it. In 1 Thessalonians 2, Paul talks of caring so deeply for this church that he is willing to pour out his soul for them – to spend his life on them. THAT’s agape love. That’s the love we should have for others. That’s making a choice every day, every hour, sometimes every minute, to put someone else first. To give up your notions of a white knight with a good heart, a soft touch, and a fast horse who will ride you off into the sunset, and be content with your man who may be a sometimes white knight with a mostly good heart, an attempted soft touch, and a decently fast car. Love hasn’t gotten off course at all. He’ll drive you off into many a sunset…on the way to this child’s ball game or that child’s theater performance…but that is what love does. Love is an action.

P.S. There’s always the danger in writing something like this that I have offended you, the reader, who loves to listen to 80’s music with their children, all of whom have a healthy understanding of real relationships thankyouverymuch. Please know that is not my intent. God convicts EACH of us differently, because He knows what each of our specific families need. My choice NOT to do something should never be construed as judgment against someone who chooses TO do something. Goodness, no. I make fifty-gazillion mistakes a day, and it’s only by the grace of God that I can at all hold my head up and say that I am His child, forgiven, Beloved, redeemed. Unless you live truly off the grid, your children will encounter all that modern culture has to offer, so the most important take away is this: keep an open dialogue with your kids. Sing along at the tops of your lungs if you want to, but after the song is over, stop and say, “You know that’s ridiculous, right? Love doesn’t really work that way. It’s fun to sing about, but not at all practical in reality.” I talk with my kids ALL THE TIME about lyrics to songs or scenes in movies or TV shows. It’s the best way to equip them to make smart choice when they are out there on their own someday. You won’t regret the time you take to invest now in training them up because again, love is an action, and in this case, it pays forward for many generations to come.

I want to say “Thank You!” to Homeschool Mosaics for giving me the opportunity to share some thoughts each month. This month, I’m going to share with you why we started home schooling and some of the transitions we’ve encountered through the years. My goal is to provide encouragement to you and your family as you continue on your home education journey.

My wife Carrie and I were married in 1992. We have two great kids. Ryan is 16 and Ashleigh is 12. We’ve also experienced two miscarriages and two ectopic pregnancies. We make our home at an elevation of 7,143 feet in the cool pine and aspen trees of northern Arizona, near Flagstaff. We get about 100 inches of snow on average and rarely does it get above 90 degrees in the summer.

The word transition is defined as: “a passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another; or change.” As I write this, I’m sitting in Marlow, Oklahoma, 780 miles away from our home. We were just here a few weeks ago for Christmas. We’re back for one of the greatest transitions in life – a funeral. My wife’s grandfather, Carl McMullin, passed away. He was 91 and a veteran of WWII. He was awarded six bronze stars while he served with the 3rd Army under General George Patton in Europe. This transition has been a while in the making, with his health declining over the last few years.

Transitioning to home schooling wasn’t on our radar when our son started kindergarten. Both my wife and I are the product of public schools in Texas in the 70’s and 80’s. Our son had an amazing teacher in kindergarten. Ryan couldn’t wait to go to school every day. Mr. Thomas took a genuine interest in him and we experienced a fantastic year. First grade started great! Another wonderful teacher and what looked to be another good year. A few weeks into the year, Ryan’s teacher developed some major health issues, and as a result, only taught about 6 weeks. The rest of the year was taught by five different teachers, each lasting about six weeks. His second grade year Ryan had a teacher who was one of those who should have retired a long time ago. It was a frustrating time. We were at the school, helping out, being good active parents, doing what we were supposed to do, but it just wasn’t working. Little did we know that the transition to home schooling had begun.

My wife came around before I did to the idea of home educating Ryan. We found out that his third grade teacher was going to be an individual known for espousing liberal beliefs in a very vocal way, and neither of us wanted that for Ryan. The transition for me was abrupt and took place on a Saturday morning the summer between Ryan’s second and third grade year. Some friends of ours had been home educating their children and the father had a very pointed conversation with me in our driveway while we were having a garage sale. I don’t remember the exact details of the conversation, but I do know that we decided that weekend to home school.

With just a few weeks before “school started,” Carrie and I were scrambling to figure out what to do. We talked to a few folks, did some research, and decided to go the “home school in a box/DVD” route, because it seemed like something we could handle and the price was right. Our transition to this new way of thinking and living allowed us to experience every available emotion known to man! We had many successes and many failures, and you know what? We survived! No long term damage to our son. No long term damage to my wife. No long term damage to me. We decided in the spring that this route (home school in a box) wasn’t one that was going to work long term. So we started another transition period…and that’s when it happened…we were introduced to…THE HOME SCHOOL CONVENTION!

Our first home school convention was in Phoenix. This transition was probably the most overwhelming to us as we weren’t prepared for the amount of curriculum choices available. We went from our little box of books and DVD’s that UPS dropped off at our house to a literal warehouse of every type of curriculum available. We were overwhelmed. What was the best? What worked for this family? What worked for that family? How would we know what would work for our family? Carrie and I split up and we each found a math curriculum we KNEW would be the best for our son! Then came the English curriculum! Then the science curriculum! Then there were the history videos! So many choices! So much money!

We were a mess. Carrie and I didn’t know what to do. We wanted to make the RIGHT decision, but how could we be sure? Looking back now, we couldn’t be sure of anything! So we stuck with our original curriculum game plan, added a few pieces we thought would help, and dove into the school year. We thought this was the BEST decision. We had starts and stops, ups and downs, but generally we had a decent year. We were still newbies and weren’t sure if what we were doing was working, but our son seemed to be getting it, and he was progressing, so we were happy.

One thing we didn’t do was panic. Panic causes wildly unthinking behavior and rash decisions. We found our local home school support group and we had more and more friends who were making the same choices we were about education. That was comforting, but it didn’t mean that we were in lockstep with them either. This led to another transition…creating our own path. Carrie and I found what worked for our kids, and we followed that route. We were informed by decisions of our friends, but not influenced by them.

In 2012, I had an opportunity to transition in the business world and I created My Home School Grades, which has become the premier online scheduling, grade tracking, and transcript software for home school families. Since then, I’ve been able to listen to and speak with many home school families around the world. I’ve met veteran home schoolers, some who are a few years in, some who have just started, and some who don’t even have kids yet! I have been able to see families in transition throughout all of these stages.

The one common aspect that all of these families have in common is that at some point, about some item or issue (usually many at the same time), they are scared and frightened. Fear overcomes them and they tend to make decisions because they panic (see definition above). I want to encourage you today that when the transitions come and fear creeps in and you start to question every decision you have ever made…know that you are not alone.

Here’s what Carrie and I do (warning – this is not easy!). We make the BEST decision in the moment. We take the facts we have right now and we make the best decision we can. Many times it will turn out to be the RIGHT decision. Sometimes it may not. “But John, What if this happens? What if that happens?” We can’t predict every outcome, nor should we try. Make the BEST decision right now, and then adjust as time goes on. Otherwise you will be paralyzed by fear, and that never leads to good outcomes.

No matter what stage of home educating you are in, know that transitions will occur! Embrace them! You won’t have babies around forever. Your kids will learn their times tables. They will succeed. They will fail. You’ll have great days and not so great days. Your kids will grow up. They will get married, they will probably give you grandchildren, and then you can drag out the box of curriculum you’ve been storing in the garage all these years. Then you can encourage the next generation as they transition through life.

I turned 50 recently (not even a month ago), and I’ve been thinking of lessons I’ve learned. It’s not like I know everything; let’s face it: I’m not “there” yet and never will be. I’ll always be learning and growing, and that’s a good thing; the alternative would be stagnancy, apathy, and…death.

But in my half century of life (gulp!), I’ve had the privilege of learning a few things, and for that I am truly thankful. One thing I came to understand years ago has served me well, and I am so grateful to God for blessing me with this understanding.

It’s based on a scripture that I came across a long time ago that came to be so important to me; it had a pivotal influence on my entire life. I’ve had occasion to share it with others at times, and hopefully it made an impact on their lives too.

For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. Psalm 103:14

We all make mistakes in life, we all mess up, make poor choices, make the wrong decisions, etc. We’ve hurt others, done wrong to them, whether deliberately or incidentally, and when that happens, we need to go to them and own up, ask for forgiveness, and seek reconciliation.

The goal is to restore relationships, through honesty, repentance, and forgiveness. I’m not really going to get into that, seeking forgiveness from others. Most people, even if they struggle with it, are willing to forgive. But even as hard as that may be for some, sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest part. Sometimes we just can’t get past the fact that we’ve done something wrong.

And that very fact can hinder our relationships…with God, others, and ourselves. Yes, I did say with ourselves.

Our relationships are all directly linked to how we view ourselves, and that is impacted negatively when all we can do is fret about the things we’ve done wrong, to hold those infractions against ourselves. It’s like a constant battering of our self-esteem, breaking it down little by little.

And we do it to ourselves, by not forgiving ourselves.

I happen to have been an expert at that. I spent years going through periods where I would lay awake at night, thinking in the dark, and it seemed every bad thing I’d ever done would come to mind, making me feel worthless and hopeless.

I didn’t understand at the time how this was affecting me, working against me; all I could see was that I had made so many mistakes in my life, and as time went on, there were so many more to think about and assault my sense of self-worth. I’m not going to argue about that term, deemed derogatory and un-Christ-like by some Christians.

Because from what I read in my Bible, God loves us, thinks enough of us, that He sent His son to die on the cross to pay for our sins. And if the Creator, the great I Am, looks on us and loves us enough to sacrifice His own son for us, then I believe we should value ourselves enough to forgive ourselves the myriad mistakes we make in our lives.

And because that seems to be so hard for some of us, we need to look at ourselves the way God does, see ourselves through His eyes. And thus, the verse:

For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. Psalm 103:14

God sees our mistakes; He knows all about them. He knew every one of them before we ever thought of them or committed them. We know that from Jeremiah 1:5, Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

And yet He still loves us, He still has the offer of forgiveness and salvation on the table. He still sees us as having worth. And therein lies our hope.

None of this negates the fact that we are sinful creatures in need of forgiveness from a holy God; indeed, it exemplifies the fact that “…while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8.

Why? Again, the verse:

For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. Psalm 103:14

Our hope is right there, wrapped up in that verse of scripture: God knows that we are dust. He recognizes our humanity. He knows and understands the frailty of our humanness, our propensity to fall and stumble in life.

And therefore, He offers forgiveness. He doesn’t hold it against us; instead, He offers us grace and mercy.

If God is willing to do that, who are we to withhold the same forgiveness from ourselves? Should we not extend that same grace towards ourselves, laying a hindrance, a stumbling block, a very trap for ourselves with our lack of forgiveness? Good gravy marie, no!

We should follow His example, and see ourselves how God sees us, as His children who He made, who have worth and value. His children, who are dust.

It isn’t a bad thing to have a healthy sense of self-worth. It allows us to move forward, to crawl out of that pit of self-loathing and despair, and keep striving towards being the people God wants us to be. To be learning, growing, each becoming who He’d have us to be.

And we can’t do that when we’re bogged down in a mire of regrets, rehashing our mistakes and failures. We can only do that by remembering how God sees us, and forgiving ourselves as He does.

Once again, I’d like to leave you with that very important verse. Please, take it to heart.

For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. Psalm 103:14

I know that, as teenagers, we often think about what we want to do – and be – when we are older. How we want to look, how we want our lives to turn out. We have a plan, and we just hope that it will all turn out the way we have planned in our heads. Because, to us, that is the perfect plan – it makes the most sense.

When I was younger, I was sure I’d be married by the time I was the age I am now – a whopping 21 – and maybe even have a child on the way. That was my plan. To be a wife and mother by the time I was an adult.

And yet, I’m not anywhere near that point in my life.

I had this picture in my head of what my life would look like, and it didn’t happen that way.

As Christians, or even just as a human race, we often have our lives fantasized. We try to imagine the best future possible, in hopes that we will get just that – the best future.

And yet, we need to take a step back and think about what God is telling us – and how He has a will for each of our lives that is much better than anything we could ever think up in our wildest dreams.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 has always been a place that I could turn when I wasn’t sure why certain things were happening in my life that I was unsure of. When I lost my job I’d had for three years, I turned to Jeremiah 29:11. When I couldn’t find another “good job” in a timely manner, I turned to Jeremiah 29:11.

These verses are hope for us.

Because it’s saying that God – the only Person that has control over everything in the whole world – has a plan for US. And, He has had that plan since before the beginning of all time.

In that quote by C.S. Lewis, it says, “…for to have been thought about, born in God’s thought, then made by God…”

How amazing is that? God thought us up – everything from how we’d look, to how we’d act, to how our lives would be lived out – before the world was even around, and He made us who we are.

He made us the men and women we are today. God decided, yes, I want that girl to have red hair and blue eyes, and be short. I want that guy to be good at sports, but terrible at singing.

And He knows if you’ll go to college, He knows if you’ll get married (and when!). He has the plan, and all we have to do is pray. Pray that He shows us His will so that we can understand.

Everything about you, God thought up. He made you who you are, and He made you that way for a reason. He gave us each strengths and weaknesses for a reason. He gives us trials and tribulations so that we realize that He is the perfect rock to turn to.

Our plans may seem good to us, but they are nowhere near as perfect as what God has planned for our lives.

“And that is the dearest, grandest and most precious thing in all thinking.”

¹ You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139 has always been a favorite scripture of mine. Its verses are full of truths that I need to hear. Sometimes, in difficult times, we let worry and the opinions of the world define our view of ourselves and our circumstances. Those are the times that we need to go to the one true Word to re-educate ourselves with the TRUTH!

I’ve been reading Psalm 139 a great deal lately and I’d love to share some of its wonderful truths with you!

1. God knows us!

There are times when we feel so alone and isolated. We feel like there is no one on earth that understands us, relates to us, or even has a clue what we are going through. Guess what? God does and He is always there to comfort us, love us and forgive us. I’m reminded by reading the first six verses of this scripture that:

• God understands me.
• He knows all my ways.
• There is not a word that I have spoken that He didn’t know beforehand.
• His hand is upon me.

2. God is always with us!

He is with you no matter where you go. It points out in verses 7-12 that we could go to heaven, descend to hell, or dwell in the “uttermost parts of the sea,” yet God is still there with us. No matter where we go, His hand leads us and holds us. Nothing can hide us from God!

3. God created us!

He formed us in our mother’s womb. When we were so small that even that ultrasound couldn’t see us, God saw us. God’s eyes were upon us. He numbered our days on this earth before we were even born. We are His marvelous creation! His thoughts of us are too many to count!

So as I read and study Psalm 139, the Lord speaks to my heart to remind me of the truths that I already know, yet need to hear over and over again. May the reading of this Scripture speak to your heart and remind you of the same.